- i have bad dreams. wtf was i thinking?
- oh yeah, i make poor life choices, that’s my thing
- i’m sure it would have been fine if the lights were on and someone was laughing.
- though the dude in the movie would still be a tremendous tool
- and gay cousin ted was there
- speaking of new years, funniest thing terrence ever said when i invited to get in on the 80s cover band. he asked if we were seeing a band or being an 80s cover band.
- he will don neon sunglasses with slits cut out and a comically large bow tie
- eeps, i swear i hear footsteps and my computer is doing weird things.
- running into my neighbor who said weird things was not optimal
- oh yeah, new years. we definately want lori for lv (lead vocals)
- rachel will be our manager
- but terrence says she needs to manage like sly from california dreams. and if she’s not available, we need to book sly. screw it, we should just get sly now.
- i’m working on a set list (appletinis, neon gum, quagmire, relationship biscuits)
- not much time, we better start rehearsing
- teddy, we need you to play that keyboard thing that you wear like a guitar.
movie review: paranormal state November 8, 2009
reasons why it’s ok [for me] if rachel doesn’t drink in november November 5, 2009
- it makes it easier to explain why we’re different
- it’s a new thing to fight about/discuss in calm tones
- november is stupid
- it has absolutely no effect/affect on my own drinking habits
- heck, i’m drunk right now as i write this, and i feel great about her life choice
- it’ll be interesting to see what [if any] of the movies she loves are suddenly unfunny
- does this mean she no longer talks about comedians?
- it was scary the time she told me about setting her hair on fire
- it was even scarier when i saw her set her hair on fire
- she’ll always have gum*
- maybe she’ll blog more
- maybe as an act of rebellion i’ll drink more which always leads to people liking me better
- we can finally take welding classes
- maybe it will motivate me to pick up whiskey as a hobby
- kindly disregard this list. just realized november is a 31 day month. i tried saying it out loud and ‘rachel, want to go get a water later?’ totally sucks.
*is it recovering drug addicts or alcoholics that chew a lot of gum?
changing the typeface of interweb conversation one [key]stroke at a time November 3, 2009
phrases like ’shut up’ or ‘what did you say’ just aren’t making sense now that we’re all typing. for your approval, a new dictionary
- shut up -> End
- hey, why don’t you come by my place later -> Enter
- what did you say? -> Backspace
- i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to say that -> Delete
- cockblock -> F2
- let’s change the subject -> Shift
- i need a drink -> Tab
- gotta run, something suddenly came up ->Insert
- i’ma fucking put that guy on the floor -> PgDn
- thanks for helping me get home last night -> PgUp
- this place sucks, i’m leaving -> Home
- i wish that guy would leave the country so i never had to talk to him ever again -> Alt
- how do we get out of going to that guy’s birthday? -> Esc
- please don’t let me give my number to anyone at the bar who’s name i can’t pronounce and is wearing a mask -> NmLk
- please take my phone so i don’t text anyone -> ScrLk
bright eyes lyric, my life, or both? November 2, 2009
damn you lua from the ‘dark was the night’ soundtrack
- Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they’ll be gone
- But me I’m not a gamble, you can count on me to split
- The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won’t exist
- But what’s so easy in the evening by the morning’s such a drag
- I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
- We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
- But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane
- The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
- It’s not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
- It was so simple in the moonlight now it’s so complicated
reasons why i love halloween November 1, 2009
- i always wait till the last minute to create my costume, totally freak out, and then it works out just fine
- me and rachel get along
- flirting is easier
- unlike in real life, there’s always at least 3 people in a 2 foot radius that look dumber than you do
- screaming in bars is not only ok, but encouraged [by non rachels]
- not dressing slutty makes me feel superior and comfortable
- people are really f’ing creative
- ie the people who dressed up as the gatekeeper and keymaster from ghostbusters
- on every block you see someone with a costume that makes you go ‘OMG LOOK IT’S ____’
- in new york things are actually open and you can take your pick of streetlights and people [but not spaghetti]
- you don’t have to feel guilty about having the ’single ladies’ song in your head
- when the yankees win a world series game, you get to high five a wrestler, a gladiator, and borat
- a shot of tequila, lime, and tobasco sauce somehow makes sense and tastes amazing
- and the fact that it was bought for you by an insane slutty cop isn’t such a big deal
- you get to meet the king of poland
- gumby speaks
- strangers bleeding profusely isn’t as scary
- talking to strangers is fun and has no negative repercussions
- cops yell out ‘married with children’ references from the mic in their van
- new york city finds a way to kick even more fat ass than it does normally
thoughts i had while watching the movie ‘Hollywoodland’ that make me wonder if i’ve been watching too much CSI October 31, 2009
- two hours and seven minutes? the CSI team would’ve cracked this case in an hour.
- why is no one analyzing the blood splatter?
- the coroner can’t explain the bruises on the body? are you even fucking kidding me?
- did someone just mock the investigator for mentioning science?
- goddamnit, i want to see some bullet analysis
- did it ever occur to anyone to talk to this man’s doctor?
- DOES THE PHRASE TOXOLOGY REPORT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU PEOPLE?!
- after years of watching grisom, adrien brody is suddenly sexy to me. what?
- why have i only heard the word ‘fingerprint’ once in the whole damn movie
- why am i thinking about this during halloween?
Thoughts from my Halloween costume shopping debacle October 30, 2009
- what kind of footwear do lumberjacks wear? Can I use this to justify buying new sneakers? No.
- I am caring about this way more than actual lumberjacks would
- am I just gonna look like a hipster?
- what do suspenders even accomplish?
- this would be way easier if the timber museum had been open
- why did I spend so much money in seattle on honey and nothing on pacific northwest indigenous clothing???
- why do Halloween stores sell like 15 light sabers (which don’t even exist in real life) and nothing resembling an ax (which is a real thing)
- I need a boyfriend
- do lumberjacks still exist?
- why do I wait till the last minute every year when I know how terribly I function under pressure?
- shouldn’t I be having a lori’s birthday miracle?
- Halloween is stupid
- where the f is jian and the magic punch?
- why are there no craft stores downtown?
- I’m so confused.
I’m Sorry But I’m Just Thinking Of The Right Words To Say… October 29, 2009
the funniest things lori ever said to me, or at least the only ones i can remember right now. naturally, some of them are better in context. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUERTO RICO!!!
1 – “that’s not the girl he came out of the bathroom with”
2 – “you went to trivia without me?!”
3 – “he’s my longest relationship after verizon” (fyi this is not in reference to a significant other)
4 – “i didn’t ask if you cleaned out your vagina”
5 – “why do you hang out with people that aren’t us?”
6 – “did they just say sesame chicken?”
7 – “i like how you say very straight, like there are those who are slightly straight”
8 – “you can’t make me put vinegar on my french fries”
9 – “don’t laugh at me, i’m wonderful”
10 – “my father is more of a jewish mother than my mother ever was”
Reasons I am a mets fan cheering on the Yankees in the world series October 29, 2009
- I was made in the Bronx
- my mom is a yankees fan. she rocks. so does my crazy friend mike who makes baseball even superawtastic.
- even the roots left philly for new york
- remember that time philly ruined our lives? and then that other time?
- new york gets even funner when we win shit. even when the yanks lost last night, it was still crazy fun.
- phillies fans boo seven year old girls and I suspect they also kick puppies
- I finally have a valid reason for cursing at teddy
- philadelphia is closer to Brooklyn in geography and spirit
- shane? chase? jayson??? it would be like cheering on the mean rich boys from a john hughes movie.
- the phanatic is stupid
THE PROOF: http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/video?id=7088461
i live HERE now October 26, 2009
things i will find myself saying as i adjust to being back in nyc
- ugh, way too much to blog. why can’t i just eat cheese?
- wow, the homeless people here really look homeless
- you call that a hipster?
- where are the compost bins at the restaurants?
- there’s sure a heck of a lot of people out at night
- i can’t even decide where to go out, there’s so much open
- why are there no tasting flights at this bar?
- you mean i can’t try all the wines?
- why is this bread not sourdough
- why the f did i buy so much honey
- why are there so many old people and chicks?
- what the hell is that big yellow bright thing in the sky?
- you call that a hill?!
- where the frig are all the jam samples?
- why is that guy yelling?
- if you don’t have to hit it with a mallet, it’s not worth eating
- where are all the scenic views near bodies of water?
- my ceilings are nowhere near 14 ft
- can you tell me if this tshirt is sustainable? that matters to me.
- if i don’t listen to taylor swift’s ‘you belong with me’ for over a week, it makes me cry like the first time. lesson learned!
