The Slow Gin Fizz

…and you’re welcome

liveblogging the season premiere of Lost February 2, 2010

Filed under: Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 10:32 pm
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btdubs – i’ve never watched the show before

  • Matthew Fox should stop flying. it’s just not fair to the rest of the passengers on the plane
  • that guy is talking during the show. that is soooooo not allowed
  • the first rule of Lost night is that you don’t talk during Lost night.
  • the word buoyant is funny
  • people on planes share a lot. no wonder i don’t like flying.
  • makes you wonder, what would you say to someone who just died an hour ago
  • man, if there was a show with like, Lost meets CSI…i would never leave the house again
  • btw, the csi vegas team would’ve figured this out hours ago
  • its really funny when that guy talks about television
  • um. why are they using the song ‘more than a feeling’ in a commercial
  • how in the name of god is that woman alive? she was clutching a bomb
  • when did this show turn into the movie ‘the Mummy’
  • number one sign of bad acting: the in pain sounds are exactly the same as the sex sounds
  • bloody people kissing is totally gross
  • ugh, there are way too many feelings on this show
  • i feel unhappy just looking at these people
  • matthew fox looks like a hot science teacher that you never really understand, but would totally bang anyways
  • i HATE when people call other people ‘boss’
  • wait. she died in an underground mine explosion and both her sneakers are still on? do any of the laws of physics apply? or does just calling it Lost make whatever ok?
  • i wonder if the marketing folks ever thought to use the black smoke for an anti-smoking campaign? something like ‘i got the black smoke pops’.
  • “under the milky way” is in car commercials now? oh good.
  • hold up, no one is in the women’s bathroom after a flight from australia? don’t even get me started.
  • YES, STOP CALLING HIM BOSS
  • figures, a world of guitar cases and no guitars
  • the music on this show is totally stupid. please someone help them.
  • ugh, a magical island and there’s still kids
  • the word coveralls is funny
  • um. when someone says there are risks, wouldn’t the correct response be ‘what are the risks’?
  • damn. everyone on this show has to watch the people they love die like 17 times.
  • ok, i am enjoying the show, but everything they say reminds me why i don’t do yoga
  • where do these people get the guns from?
  • omg, i really want to be there when rachel has kids and tries to explain this show to them
 

liveblogging the aforementioned haiti benefit of awesome January 28, 2010

Filed under: Concert Reviews, Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 1:43 pm
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sort of. what started as a liveblog attempt via my phone quickly deteriorated into my typical drunken frustration with technology. BUT, i took notes! beer was cheap. italicized notes are cheryls. needless to say, SIC. hard to believe that career in journalism never worked out.

seriously, my comments read kinda negative, but this show was a hot blast.

  • omg jumbalaya! Oh, meat. cornbread!
  • organic cookies are stupid
  • omg, they sell every can of beer ever!
  • I LOVE JUG BANDS FROM STATEN ISLAND
  • seriously, this is good stuff. is this what steampunk or pipe is?
  • pat kiernan is doing trivia! he just said the word sexy!
  • oh god, he said the lyrics to baby got back!
  • ZELDA RUBENSTEIN DIED
  • she’s like the wind…too soon
  • he is talking about snuggies now
  • PAT, JIAN LOVES YOU!
  • jimmy fallon as neil young?
  • oh, apparently this is a thing that happens. i’m not sure why it’s funny, but he does a good job of singing like neil young?
  • and now he’s singing the fresh prince theme song. pop culture confuses me.
  • oh. comedy.
  • lisa worries she’s overshared about upcoming bathroom venture :0)
  • chimey band starts their playing
  • this bar needs stools
  • i like banjo
  • that’s a hat worth having
  • NAPKIN
  • let me know when you’re ready for another drink. CHERISHED! (?)
  • i’m alright with goulash
  • michael showalter, i don’t think i get you, but cheryl hearts you lots
  • oh, she said you weren’t that great either
  • ‘it’s that i’m drinking’
  • chick in front of us us so excited to find out that sondre lurche lives in williamsburgh
  • it’s like a better than ezra concert (said sondre)
  • i think he’s kinda boring. but nice.
  • todd barry. you look familiar. slightly less unfunny than the other guys.
  • ha, he used the word boundryless. that’s funny.
  • howie and maryellen would not enjoy this
  • just give it to me and i’ll put it in
  • (said by drunk dude in front of us) “dude, my dream girl. she’s bossy, and more importantly, she’s hot”
  • the wrens actually rock. they should rock continuously throughout the songs though.
  • too bad they’re named for a bird
  • raucous noise
  • most of my songs would be centered on ‘ping’
  • wow, they’re covering Higher Ground. neato!
  • ‘this is my least favorite song’ – lead singer of supergroup with the dude from the new pornographers
  • so, apparently the theme of this concert was ‘the time of parasols’
  • i honestly don’t remember anything about this band. the chick singer had a nice voice. but i think i was bored.
  • seriously, did i miss something? we have electricity now, are jugs and banjos necessary?
  • but more importantly, hot
  • i probably would have enjoyed this more if the other acts weren’t so old timey and the theme wasn’t abused
  • lisa’s red stripe is chock full
  • alright guy, where’s lauren ambrose
  • aw, ted leo is covering that sappy Sade song. it only kinda works.
  • and it’s definately no ’since you’ve been gone’
  • he’s ok. i feel like my friends in bands are better than this.
  • that’s the sound your bottom makes on the way to hitting wood
  • OMG IT’S CLAIRE FROM SIX FEET UNDER AHHHHH
  • i can’t believe i’ve seen her and billy’s band in the span of a month. sorry claire, i like billy’s singing more
  • dude, she looks the same, so weird. and i’m reminded of the episode where she sings that musical number about pantyhose. she sings exactly the same.
  • it’s ok. she has that really powerful ‘american idol’ voice that i hate because it’s strong but not necesarily pleasant sounding
  • and it’s a swing band. i miss modern rock. and not brooklyn.
  • awww, but the cover of ‘don’t think twice, it’s alright’ was adorable
  • i’m so upset that fun. never showed up. fun., if you play, i will come!
 

in case anyone needed a sweet musical push to give to haiti January 26, 2010

Filed under: Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 7:54 pm
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WED 1/27: 6pm / $50

STRENGTH THROUGH UNITY
A BENEFIT FOR THE VICTIMS OF THE EARTHQUAKE IN HAITI

100% of the proceeds will be split between Save The Children and Partners In Health.

All performers will be playing abbreviated, acoustic and/or stripped down sets. Scheduled to appear (in approximate order of appearance):
JIMMY FALLON
THE WAHOO SKIFFLE CRAZIES
New York State Senator DIANE SAVINO
HERE WE GO MAGIC
PAT KIERNAN of NY 1
FREELANCE WHALES
EUGENE MIRMAN
SONDRE LERCHE
MICHAEL SHOWALTER
THE WRENS
TODD BARRY
AC NEWMAN of NEW PORNOGRAPHERS plus RHETT MILLER of OLD 97s plus NICOLE ATKINS as a SEEKERS cover band.
TED LEO
JIM GAFFIGAN
LAUREN AMBROSE & THE LEISURE CLASS
THE BLOW
fun.
THE WALKMEN

Guest DJs (AU REVOIR SIMONE / TED LEO / ELI “PAPERBOY” REED / TRAVIS MORRISON) will be doing one hour shifts in the front lounge until…

A special two hour edition of keyboard karaoke will be hosted by SARA SCHAEFER and JOE McGINTY in the front lounge from 11pm-1am.

Early birds can come for free food courtesy of GREAT JONES CAFE, DUB PIES, and more.

Raffle and door prizes courtesy of NONESUCH RECORDS, THE DOUBLE WINDSOR, FRANKIE’S 457, BEGGARS/MATADOR, BLUE RIBBON, DRILLTEAM, BAM, and more.

ASIA DOGS will be here all night selling hot dogs for $2 to donate to the cause!

There is absolutely no guest list for this event.

 

movie review: bad lieutenant January 10, 2010

Filed under: Lisa's Lists, Movie Reviews — theslowginfizz @ 9:43 pm
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things are bad in the ‘bad lieutenant’ sense

  1. bad medicine
  2. bad touches
  3. bad boys
  4. bad asses
  5. michael jackson
  6. Bipolar Affective Disorder
  7. bad religion
  8. bad company
  9. bad timing
  10. bad seafood
 

‘Lost’ in emotion January 6, 2010

Filed under: Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 5:43 pm
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I’ve never watched a single episode of Lost, so I figured this final season would be a good place to start. So here’s a list of ways I envision Lost ending based on what I do know of the show: there was a plane crash, people are lost, it’s meta, there’s a polar bear maybe, sometimes they have curtains, daddy issues, time is bendy

  1. whoops, they were looking at the map upside down the whole time
  2. they are all the illegitimate children of JR Ewing so they went back in time and shot him
  3. the ‘polar bears’ were really just Disney employees in costumes who defected and were in hiding
  4. when that dude said to go right, the chick didn’t know if he meant his right or her right, but was too embarrassed to ask
  5. as children, they all drove their father’s away with their incessant watching of Gilligan’s Island
  6. they are all avatars except the fat nerdy guy who scurries about providing tech support, which is why everyone else is so attractive
  7. the curtains are actually made of the same material as invisibility cloaks
  8. some dude left the island to go get cigarettes and the paper saying they’d come back in ten minutes. and he didn’t.
  9. apparently everyone on the island had walked under a ladder on the day of their flight
  10. you CAN dig a whole in your backyard that goes all the way to china!
 

movie review: avatar January 2, 2010

Filed under: Lisa's Lists, Movie Reviews — theslowginfizz @ 1:55 am
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  1. longest movie i’ve seen in 2010. wow, that’s the first time i typed the year! it looks so futuristic.
  2. much like the movie avatar, which takes place so far in the future that we can genetically create aliens, and yet they still can’t seem capable of manufacturing decent bullet proof vests
  3. there are occasional subtitles for the alien language lines, and they totally use papyrus font. apparently it’s the official font of indigenous peoples.
  4. watching a movie in 3D just reminds me of how much i loved captain eo. it’s just another part of me.
  5. anyone think it’s odd that the earth creatures are trying to take over this other planet, and the only people involved are trigger happy americans led by giovanni ribisi?
  6. apparently in the future, no one wears suits and the military no longer requires uniforms
  7. where the hell was nasa whilst all these shenanigans were going on? whatever that jelly like stuff was inside the pods, i want a bed made out of it.
  8. a better name for this movie would’ve been ‘avatars with brave hearts in the ferngully-like  matrix’
  9. other planets are really sustainable and have totally gone green
  10. nachos are better in 3D
  11. it makes you think about how awkward it would be to see your boss naked, bleeding, and wrapped in ivy
  12. aliens have absolutely no sense of humor and tell jokes never. if this means no comedy shows in space, count me in.
  13. our animals get a serious ‘needs improvement’ rating compared to the animals of other planets. i really thought we’d all have pet velociraptors by now.
  14. only in sci-fi can you get it on with an alien and end up mated for life. not totally unlike vegas or halloween.
  15. even though it was way too long, i liked this movie if only for the fact that i didn’t have to hear anyone say ‘i’ll never let go jack!’.
 

It’s a wonderful life December 31, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 2:18 pm
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No, not really. But here’s some pretty rad things that managed to happen in ’09. you have no idea how hard it was to refrain from sarcasm by adding items like ‘a guy rejecting me by calling me a cougar’ or ‘that bug bite on my face that blew up to the size of toronto’.

  1. getting to watch the taylor swift episode of CSI. (spoiler alert: she’s awesome in it)
  2. tom morello continuing to exist in his various forms
  3. the time me and jian went to that wine tasting, closed the place down and she took 5 trains to get home and gave her free bottle of wine to a homeless person
  4. rice
  5. the time me and GCT went to showtunes night and insulted each other for like 5 consecutive hours
  6. the great karaoke extravaganza of 2009 for the aforementioned GCT
  7. furthering the cause of jam based cocktails
  8. the time me and Rachel crashed Brett’s birthday party and he totally had it going on
  9. fish tacos
  10. the movie ‘Pirate Radio’
  11. terrence moving back to astoria
  12. lots of honey
  13. la push beach
  14. getting on Japanese television
  15. and then eating poutine
  16. spending Halloween with borat
  17. magically experiencing a 5 for 5 record of mets home game wins
  18. taco bell coming back to my neighborhood
  19. marionberry jam
  20. having, seriously, the coolest friends of ever
 

End of year/decade lists I decided not to make because they were too negative December 29, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists, hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 11:26 am
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  1. best hospital dining hall items of ‘09
  2. worst days ever
  3. harshest rejections of the decade
  4. favorite calories
  5. personal achievements of the decade
  6. biggest bug bites
  7. best fights with rachel
  8. things I thought would have happened by now that didn’t (#1 understanding when to use affect and effect)
  9. bad drink choices
  10. bad drunken choices
  11. the ones that got away
  12. bad habits i’ve developed
  13. best typos and grammatical errors
  14. best scripted and least probable romantic comedy moments
  15. biggest ny mets letdowns
 

Reasons you should live with me December 18, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists, hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 12:13 pm
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http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/roo/1515634549.html

  1. I wrote the longest room for rent ad in the history of time and yet managed to say remarkably little. talent!
  2. everyone else’s ad was boring and they smell
  3. in 4.5 years in my apartment, I have never once raised my voice to a roommate. I save that for Rachel.
  4. due to a spectacularly bad dating year, I will no longer be bringing any boys home and am too old to do so even if I wanted to
  5. I don’t cook anything so there’s never weird cooking smells
  6. I am big on vows of silence
  7. you never have to talk to me before noon
  8. my parents say I was the best roommate they ever had
  9. I bring home sandwiches
  10. CSI isn’t a very loud show
  11. I NEVER listen to taylor swift…without headphones
  12. gay cousin ted visits sometimes
  13. since I can’t find an instructional book for my harmonica, that probably won’t be going anywhere
  14. once I win the new drink contest, I’ll be pretty rich and famous and will be getting lots of cool stuff for the apartment
  15. I hate people, so there’s never any wild parties
 

things that would get said in couples counseling with rachel and lisa December 7, 2009

Filed under: Ethical Debates, Lisa's Lists, hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 9:21 pm
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  1. didn’t we we just share yesterday?
  2. is this byob?
  3. dude, it’s just grammar, chill the fuck out
  4. can we watch ‘love actually’ while we do this?
  5. just proofread emails before you send them. it takes literally a second
  6. dude, ‘literally’ is as unnecessary of a word as utilize
  7. lisa, feelings cannot be stupid or wrong. but you do really stupid things based on how you feel. a lot.
  8. rachel, i think that’s stupid
  9. you’re such an asshole
  10. why can’t you just say ‘i’m busy’ or ‘i don’t feel like it’ or ‘maybe, i’ll let you know by 4′ when i try to make plans?
  11. do you have anything heavier than a nerf baseball bat to emote with?
  12. can we get our friends on conference call? we’ll pay extra.
  13. why are you yelling? i’m sitting two feet away. ‘literally’.
  14. i’m gonna need honey for this level of impasse
  15. therapist, can we get one of those police lineup mirror windows in here? we get along better when we think no one’s watching.
  16. where are we going to eat after this? they have a bar, right?
  17. teddy’s gonna be maaaaad when i tell him you called me retarded
  18. if we had a friendship assessment committee, this would not be necessary
  19. lisa, you put the ‘ass’ in ‘assessment’
  20. hehe, you said ass and men