The Slow Gin Fizz

…and you’re welcome

jian’s interboro amalgamated nu committees as no wedding ever did September 29, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 7:20 pm
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aka j.i.a.n.-c.a.n.-w.e.d.

aka, committees i would like to head up if anyone besides me liked committees.

  1. the wedding song committee (a sub-committee of lori and rachel’s music committee)
  2. the besides-the-wedding cake dessert committee
  3. the looking at wedding dresses online at work committee
  4. and it’s subcommittee, the creative ways to tell your coworkers that no, it’s not your wedding and yes, you’re ok and you know there’s someone out there for you too committee
  5. the who can gay cousin ted hook up with at jian’s wedding committee
  6. the poor life choices made at the bachelorette party committee
  7. the hangover mitigation committee
  8. the why is that guy yelling committee
  9. the ways and means committee (aka, the ways and means of telling people they can’t bring their loud and disruptive too young for public kids to the wedding committee)
  10. the inappropriate yet giggle worthy arts and crafts committee
  11. the honeymoon itinerant committee
  12. the hookups with the bartender and catering staff committee
  13. the creative, yet accurate, old/new/borrowed/blue committee
  14. the formal in front of relatives toasting committee
  15. the informal not in front of relatives roasting committee
 

we can be friends, but not good ones September 27, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 1:21 am
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appropriate recipients of this quote from the movie soapdish

  1. a bff’s ex boyfriend who you liked as a person but whom really needs to be told something about themself
  2. a coworker who overshares
  3. the guy you get coffee from who may or may not be a government spy in afghanistan
  4. a waiter at a really nice restaurant who knows you have to tip well cause it’s a big bill
  5. a bartender who is really cool but makes really shitty drinks (or vice versa)
  6. someone who makes you wear turbans that make you look like gloria fucking swanson
  7. roomates you meet on craigslist
  8. cousins
  9. anyone you meet at a bar
  10. the janitor at work
 

liveblogging the movie ‘Wild Things’ with sean September 26, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 5:24 pm
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The scheme is far from tame. But whose scheme is it? Assume nothing as you venture beyond Blue Bay’s elite beach communities and into the murky waters of the Everglades for a mystery of deceit, sex and greed and unpredictable as a hungry gator. And please, keep your hands inside the boat at all times. (that’s what it says on the box. teehee)

  • vodka, ginger ale & lemonade. i think i will call it ‘the floridian whore’ in honor of this epic tale. hehe, i said tale.
  • it goes down smoothly…just LIKE a a floridian whore
  • whoever did the score for this movie probably does porn
  • bill murray!
  • OMG ME AND SEAN JUST REMEMBERED THERE’S A KEVIN BACON SHOWER PENIS SCENE. a big ol slab of bacon if you will. and you will.
  • matt dillon has a great ass. why did i never notice it before? makes me wish i was about asses
  • i feel positively woozy about kevin bacon at a cop
  • omg sean is a genius. he suggested adding rebecca gayheart to this movie.
  • hehe, kevin bacon wants to de-rig
  • ladies and gentlemen, denise richards AS denise richards
  • actually, this movie should’ve been called Floridian Whore
  • bill murray should always wear a neck brace. it works for him.
  • we never go alligator wrestling anymore
  • its very very strange hearing neve campbell say the phrase ‘fuck me in the ass’.
  • hahah, she’s so funny as a goth
  • michael jackson should have totally done the soundtrack for this movie
  • the courthouse in the movie is painted with an homage to gay porn
  • omg the weird teacher from my so called life plays a lawyer in this
  • bill murray is just as good of a lawyer as he is a buster of ghosts
  • lets always call people a skanky bitch
  • lisa: sean, this is the greatest movie of all time
  • sean: sweetie, remember, Center Stage? SECOND best.
  • i love how in movies, cuff links are a status symbol
  • why do hotels in florida movies look even sketchier than anywhere else in america
  • this movie makes me feel dirty. matt dillon really WAS the teacher of the year.
  • it’s so sad. matt dillon totally wants denise richards more than neve.
  • it’s not often you hear the C word in a movie
  • you ever have a situation where you saw something bad coming and there was nothing you could do to stop it
  • who wears combat boots all the time in florida
  • how did we ever say goodbye to high waisted jeans
  • i swear this film got screwed by the academy
  • vodka sneaks up on you. the floridian whore is quite the bitch.
  • funny. i get fatter and matt dillon gets hotter.
  • yay! old school cell phones
  • who walks around the house in jeans sneakers and just a bra. oh yeah, denise richards.
  • floridian climate must be awful on the hair
  • it is really hard to see bad things happen to matt dillon
  • sean was wrong. this IS the greatest movie ever.
 

Concert review: U2 giants stadium 9.24.09 September 25, 2009

Filed under: Concert Reviews,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 10:08 am
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What happens in jersey…is weird

  1. first, a bit on jersey. homegirls are crazy. first some crazy woman in the bathroom swore I threw something into her stall when I had just walked in and got all up in my face. then while in my seat watching the show, a random woman came by and asked to borrow my phone to make a local call. whoever she called kept calling me back even though the woman walked away.
  2. they don’t sell beer large
  3. there is only one pizza place in the whole stadium
  4. getting from our seats to the car at the end was a nightmare. apparently there’s like 2 exits. yay for fire safety. I never want to be that close to that much bleached blond hair ever again.
  5. if you couldn’t tell, I hate giants stadium for seeing shows. the sound was awful. I barely heard the vocals the whole night and missed pretty much all the banter from the bono. the ballady songs sound like ass, but on the upside, it made the instruments stand out and sound even more profound.
  6. so, muse, the opening band. I wasn’t a big fan going into this, but they did totally rock. I’m not totally compelled to buy an album, but for a song here and there, great. though I have no clue what the songs were about because of the sound. overall, they reminded me of the ‘queen of the damned’ soundtrack.
  7. ok, nuff negativity. I have nothing but great things to say about U2 and they rocked my world putting on a fantastic show last night. background:  not one of my all time favorite bands, but I love a lot of their stuff (achtung baby, rattle and hum). though I can do without joshua tree. yeah, I said it.
  8. as per the usher for our section, our show was better than the night before.
  9. the stage setup was really cool. we were in row 41 kinda behind the stage, but it was a circular stage so I never felt left out. and they had a huge screen showing the show, but like, it looked like a professional concert video already. like it had been edited. cause, U2 is that on top of it. for U2 it was stripped down, but for me it was perfect.
  10. as for the setlist, http://www.u2setlists.com/360-northamerica.shtml, it was not my dream setlist, but I still enjoyed. since I never saw U2 before, it was cool to see those great iconic songs live. It seems like they don’t change it up much through the tour. apparently they do a ‘snippet’ cover of my fave elvis costello song, Oliver’s Army, which I would’ve liked to hear, but oh well. apparently they DID cover blackbird and she’s a rainbow, two songs which I love, but I somehow missed them, possibly due to either the sound awfulness or the crazy woman in the bathroom.
  11. bono is known for his political leanings and I thought he did a great job of artfully incorporating his causes into the show and making it seem very natural and genuine without being overbearing and preachy
  12. he thanked mayor bloomberg, who was apparently at the show, which I thought was super cool
  13. ugh, the stupid stadium made ‘with or without you’ sound so awful. it’s not my favorite song, but jesus. my shower rendition [with tears] has better acoustics.
  14. old timey neon microphones that hang from above are supercool
  15. I’m so happy to be at work on 5 hours sleep. I really didn’t think I would ever exit that godforsaken stadium. the verdict: love U2, hate Ujersey
 

Things kanye west would have to say about my life if he really wanted to ruin me September 24, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 11:46 am
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Yes, I know this isn’t timely and it’s been done. But it’s still fun.

  1. sandwiches are good but whole wheat pita wraps are the best foodstuff of the decade
  2. handbags are ok, but shoes are the best accessory ever
  3. beyonce has the best blog ever
  4. sarah silverman is a better brunette funny jew
  5. pie is nice but pineapple upside down cake rocks my world
  6. westchester is the best suburb of nyc
  7. the beastie boys are cool, but dave matthews is awesome
  8. pastel colors are better than primary colors
  9. matthew mcconaughey is a much better dumb actor than Keanu
  10. Rachel is better at everything this decade and would win in a fight
 

Concert review: the yeah yeah yeahs @ radio city music hall 9.23.09 September 24, 2009

Filed under: Concert Reviews,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 9:23 am
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  1. philly can suck it [once again]. I’ve seen the same band thrice and the fans in philly were totally lame and all young and stupid compared to here. what, your city only yells at fans at sporting events?
  2. the crowd was so into it, on their feet the whole time and loving every second making me love every second. I had a seat but I barely used it.
  3. speaking of the fans, there were some really stupid aesthetic life choices happening. it was like beacons closet vomited all over the rockettes. I’m pretty sure everyone that was at ‘dark was the night’ just never left and didn’t shower since then.
  4. oh yeah, there was an opening band. they were stupid and it annoyed me how some people went totally nuts for them.
  5. seeing concerts at radio city is really magical and makes you feel old timey. I never saw the place rock like it did tonight. plus, I was so much drier than the last time I saw them at all points west.
  6. really uber cool stage setup. Swirly sparkly thing and huge eyeballs. I hope jian took notes for her wedding motif.
  7. especially when they threw these HUGE inflatable eyeballs into the crowd to bounce around. It freaked me out when it came close, but it looked really cool from afar.
  8. if there’s a bedazzler shortage today, we know why
  9. Karen O. is so cool. she somehow manages to wear weird costumes without it seeming like a gimmick *cough cough lady gaga*. It just seems makes it a more theatrical experience. She even does costume changes but without making us wait a while.
  10. it’s so refreshing when the guitar just kicks your ass. that needs to happen more in modern music. I’m really freagin tired of wussy melodic instrumentals.
  11. the yeah yeah yeahs can totally replicate the quality of how they sound on albums but with 17 times the intensity which is rare and awesome
  12. they don’t mess with the songs a whole lot, which I personally like because it allows you to sing along.
  13. I think it’s so cool when the audience gets really amped for certain songs that weren’t singles and you know that you all love the song as a fan.
  14. for me, the fave songs to hear were ‘phenomenon’ and ‘cheated hearts’. Great album songs, great great live songs.
  15. it kinda bums me out that I’ll never hear my fave song of theirs ‘modern romance’ cause its kinda slow and a downer. but it’s a beautiful song, give it a whirl.
  16. wow, the yeah yeah yeahs don’t have stupid singles, that’s awesome
  17. when I listened to the new album once or twice, I liked it, but it didn’t rock my world. I think now that I saw the songs be so awesome live, I want to give it another chance
  18. if you are at all considering getting this album, I personally believe you should get the bonus edition with the acoustic versions of some of the songs, which are all really good
  19. Karen O. loves new york, and that makes me love her. She dedicated ‘Maps’ to NYC and even though it was at this huge venue, she made it feel like a small intimate hometown show in the city she loves. she didn’t talk much to the audience, but you still got the sense she was really happy to be home.
  20. shows like this are the reason I live here. yay, I love new york again! and a song called maps made it happen. Irony.
 

thoughts I had while searching online for the best sandwich to eat in seattle September 22, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 4:15 pm
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  1. if I could have sandwiches for every meal, I wouldn’t have to choose
  2. I’m so overwhelmed
  3. this would be so much easier if I actually knew someone in seattle
  4. I can’t believe there’s no twilight themed sandwich anywhere (the cullen beef hash sandwich seems obvious)
  5. it makes me happy that people get so passionate about sandwiches when they comment online
  6. this would be so much easier if I knew someone in seattle
  7. am I the only one who hates sandwiches on ciabatta bread? yes, I used the word HATE
  8. no one likes celery in tuna so why does everyone make it that way?
  9. is it just me, or do they have more onions in seattle menus?
  10. there’s a biscuit place in portland that makes all these biscuit sandwiches. why the f would we not move in?
  11. figuring out which museum to go to was like ten times easier
  12. there are way too many websites doing the same food reviews
  13. wait, one review just said a sandwich place wasn’t good because it had the feel of a bourbon speakeasy. that’s a bad thing?
  14. I am so not west coast
  15. I care more about sandwiches than Keanu reeves. his bday list was 10 items, and this is 15. wait, I’ve never met him, why do I care that much about either? I loathe myself.
 

Things I can do with my sexy cold voice September 15, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 9:07 am
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  1. lounge singer sprawled on a piano
  2. get a ‘reasonable accommodation’ issued at work that allows me to drink hot toddies during the day
  3. get people to move away from me on the subway
  4. make mysterious phone calls to the government to make them aware of conspiracies
  5. play the voice of sick jian in a pixar version of her medical anomalies called ‘the jian’s’
  6. get out of bad dates early
  7. end annoying phone conversations prematurely
  8. blame my status quo loopiness on something other than loopiness
  9. have an excuse to eat massive amounts of fudgesicles
  10. sound weirder in my already extremely bizarro nightmares
 

liveblogging the VMA’s September 13, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 8:39 pm
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  • it took a half hour, but rachel gave up my computer and is letting me liveblog. SUCKA.
  • wow, aliens from the planet of Shortsequineddresses have landed and taken over
  • lady gaga snagged kermit. last i checked, he married miss piggy in muppets take manhattan. i guess frogs are just as toady as human men.
  • where’s keanu?
  • if my heart could write songs when it was 12 years old, they would sound like taylor swift’s.
  • for years i was saying that they should remake Fame and make it a bastardized yet sassy version of the original. finally!
  • i love when they have commercials for the show you’re watching WHILE you’re watching it
  • where’s drake from degrassi?
  • ok, stupid question. why is twilight all over this show? isn’t that what the MTV Movie Awards are for?
  • DAMNIT there’s a documentary on Kid n’PLay on at the same time as these awards. damnit!
  • new game: is it a commercial for Fame or JC Penney’s
  • OMG THE BEASTIE BOYS WON A VMA AND THEY HAVEN’T EVEN RELEASED THEIR ALBUM. cause they’re THAT good. booyah.
  • oh. their new album was supposed to come out this week and it’s not gonna. sad again.
  • omg it’s starting. i’m giddy. it’s like being 19 again and not yet hating life.
  • quote: rachel: wasn’t it better when brooke shields spoke about michael jackson? they had a connection. it was touching. lisa: so was michael jackson
  • hey madonna, stick to rolling around the floor in tulle and leave the emotional discourse to taylor swift
  • fucking Thriller reenactment. AGAIN. its like Jam never fucking happened!
  • who are these dancers anyways?
  • i really want to watch Captain EO. even if it wasn’t in 3D it would be so much more entertaining than this.
  • why is russell brand yelling?
  • why does lady gaga look like she’s in traction? OH WAIT, I GET IT. IT’S HER POKERFACE!
  • he’s still yelling. he just said he was half harry potter. i told you, magic DOES do more harm than good.
  • wow, i’ve never been bored to hear people talk about wolves before
  • OH MY GOD I’M HAVING STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT A CATEGORY. I CAN’T PICK MY FAVORITE FEMALE VIDEO.
  • OMG TAYLOR SWIFT WON!!!!!!! I FEEL AWESOME! i mean…i have no opinion on this outcome whatsoever.
  • kanye you ruined taylor swift’s moment. i’m going to do all the awful things i said i was gonna do to teddy to you instead.
  • the house band for this show is the polar opposite of the Roots in the sense that the roots are awetastic and this band is the worst band in the history of bands
  • it’s sad when jack black is unfunny. where’s taylor swift?
  • wait, coldplay counts as rock now?
  • wow, green day sounds like weezer now?
  • wait, terrence thinks that weezer’s blue album is better than pinkerton.  uh.
  • omg taylor swift takes the subway just like me. i love her! AHHHHHHHHHHH
  • this song is my life
  • omg she doesn’t know how to ride the subway, that’s so cute!
  • i’m still on the bleachers. frown.
  • why can’t lady gaga be more like taylor swift?
  • big ups for bedazzler usage
  • this song isn’t good. and she’s bleeding grape juice.
  • new game: lady gaga or where the wild things are
  • sorry green day, taylor swift has ruined me for the rest of the vma’s
  • @the new moon trailer. um. hmmm. um. well, luckily jian is saying it all, so i don’t have to say a damn thing.
  • for the record, i would soooo tap the werewolf over the metrosexual vampire
  • nate from gossip girl is nothing to me. where the f is chuck bass.
  • new game: sports illustrated shoot or beyonce performance
  • i’d call it a guilty pleasure to love the song ‘single ladies’ but whatevs, it’s dang catchy.
  • oh good. the single ladies have multiplied to reflect the actual number of single ladies in this city.
  • wow, lady gaga’s pokerface just got pokier
  • she dedicated her award to the gays. i dedicate my life to the gays. i win. at gay.
  • hmm pink is gonna do a circus routine shouldn’t it be to the song funhouse? yeah, lisa watched mtv on her flight home from chicago. 25 minutes of mtv and i’m totally up to date on music.
  • dude, i go to chicago for one fucking weekend and all of a sudden i curse, i get sick, and i love taylor swift
  • this house band is still really bad
  • wow, the video of the year goes to a video featuring a woman in a bathing suit shaking her junk. the movie ‘idiocracy’ is real and is happening.
  • omg taylor! thank you from distracting me from lady gaga’s cowardly lion ensemble.
  • and i would like to thank taylor for thanking me for blogging. yeah, she thanked me! she would respect my decision to live offline.
  • aaaaaaaand we’re done. peace.
 

things jordan catalano has in common with some of the guys i have dated September 12, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 11:09 am
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  1. great hair
  2. plays guitar
  3. barely literate
  4. is in a band with a really stupid name
  5. has a cool car
  6. wants me to talk as little as possible
  7. broke my heart repeatedly
  8. says we’ll go to the movies but really just wants to take me to a sketchy location to do it
  9. never took care of me when i was sick or did anything remotely helpful
  10. was gone after one season