- two hours and seven minutes? the CSI team would’ve cracked this case in an hour.
- why is no one analyzing the blood splatter?
- the coroner can’t explain the bruises on the body? are you even fucking kidding me?
- did someone just mock the investigator for mentioning science?
- goddamnit, i want to see some bullet analysis
- did it ever occur to anyone to talk to this man’s doctor?
- DOES THE PHRASE TOXOLOGY REPORT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU PEOPLE?!
- after years of watching grisom, adrien brody is suddenly sexy to me. what?
- why have i only heard the word ‘fingerprint’ once in the whole damn movie
- why am i thinking about this during halloween?
thoughts i had while watching the movie ‘Hollywoodland’ that make me wonder if i’ve been watching too much CSI October 31, 2009
Thoughts from my Halloween costume shopping debacle October 30, 2009
- what kind of footwear do lumberjacks wear? Can I use this to justify buying new sneakers? No.
- I am caring about this way more than actual lumberjacks would
- am I just gonna look like a hipster?
- what do suspenders even accomplish?
- this would be way easier if the timber museum had been open
- why did I spend so much money in seattle on honey and nothing on pacific northwest indigenous clothing???
- why do Halloween stores sell like 15 light sabers (which don’t even exist in real life) and nothing resembling an ax (which is a real thing)
- I need a boyfriend
- do lumberjacks still exist?
- why do I wait till the last minute every year when I know how terribly I function under pressure?
- shouldn’t I be having a lori’s birthday miracle?
- Halloween is stupid
- where the f is jian and the magic punch?
- why are there no craft stores downtown?
- I’m so confused.
I’m Sorry But I’m Just Thinking Of The Right Words To Say… October 29, 2009
the funniest things lori ever said to me, or at least the only ones i can remember right now. naturally, some of them are better in context. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUERTO RICO!!!
1 – “that’s not the girl he came out of the bathroom with”
2 – “you went to trivia without me?!”
3 – “he’s my longest relationship after verizon” (fyi this is not in reference to a significant other)
4 – “i didn’t ask if you cleaned out your vagina”
5 – “why do you hang out with people that aren’t us?”
6 – “did they just say sesame chicken?”
7 – “i like how you say very straight, like there are those who are slightly straight”
8 – “you can’t make me put vinegar on my french fries”
9 – “don’t laugh at me, i’m wonderful”
10 – “my father is more of a jewish mother than my mother ever was”
Reasons I am a mets fan cheering on the Yankees in the world series October 29, 2009
- I was made in the Bronx
- my mom is a yankees fan. she rocks. so does my crazy friend mike who makes baseball even superawtastic.
- even the roots left philly for new york
- remember that time philly ruined our lives? and then that other time?
- new york gets even funner when we win shit. even when the yanks lost last night, it was still crazy fun.
- phillies fans boo seven year old girls and I suspect they also kick puppies
- I finally have a valid reason for cursing at teddy
- philadelphia is closer to Brooklyn in geography and spirit
- shane? chase? jayson??? it would be like cheering on the mean rich boys from a john hughes movie.
- the phanatic is stupid
THE PROOF: http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/video?id=7088461
i live HERE now October 26, 2009
things i will find myself saying as i adjust to being back in nyc
- ugh, way too much to blog. why can’t i just eat cheese?
- wow, the homeless people here really look homeless
- you call that a hipster?
- where are the compost bins at the restaurants?
- there’s sure a heck of a lot of people out at night
- i can’t even decide where to go out, there’s so much open
- why are there no tasting flights at this bar?
- you mean i can’t try all the wines?
- why is this bread not sourdough
- why the f did i buy so much honey
- why are there so many old people and chicks?
- what the hell is that big yellow bright thing in the sky?
- you call that a hill?!
- where the frig are all the jam samples?
- why is that guy yelling?
- if you don’t have to hit it with a mallet, it’s not worth eating
- where are all the scenic views near bodies of water?
- my ceilings are nowhere near 14 ft
- can you tell me if this tshirt is sustainable? that matters to me.
- if i don’t listen to taylor swift’s ‘you belong with me’ for over a week, it makes me cry like the first time. lesson learned!
a shout out to old timey new york before i cheat on it with the pacific northwest October 19, 2009
thought this was kinda cool: http://ephemeralnewyork.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/new-york-citys-favorite-beauty-contest/
titles i would have a legit chance of taking home
- miss beer large
- miss’ery loves company
- miss will try anything with vodka once, including condiments
- miss shouldn’t have had that last one
- miss watch me make rachel really mad
- miss it wasn’t me, it was the tequila
- miss oh god, what have i done
- miss’anthrope
- miss’ing link
- miss’steps
- you can’t miss when you’re betwixt two pieces of bread product
- miss’takes
- miss american pie
- miss’adventures
- miss you much! see you guys next week.
Things that I hope happen during my trip to seattle, Portland, and forks October 16, 2009
- somehow it works out that jian and Rachel are forced to go to the timber museum with me
- and it has a gift shoppe
- I fall madly in love with the owner of the biscuit store in Portland
- because of the time difference, after each fun filled day, I magically go back to the hotel to discover that in pacific time, csi is on right before bed
- omg, I’m gonna be closer to vegas, where csi takes place! dude, if anything happens to me while I’m out there, I want Nick on my case
- jam, and lots of it
- I return home with tribute drinks based on the cities I saw and the people I met
- I actually get to talk to someone indigenous
- the curator of the velvet painting museum is as quirky as I imagine them to be, gives us a tour, and recommends the best bar ever
- rachel is mellowed by the relaxed charm of the pacific northwest
fun things to do with these guys October 14, 2009
http://www.thefablife.com/2009-10-14/the-most-adorable-web-video-since-that-wedding-dance/
- figure out the rhyme and reason behind property tax law
- make a powerpoint presentation documenting my dating life
- do the brady bunch dance at the mall
- actually go shopping at the mall
- plan jian’s wedding
- at the office xmas party, do the humpy dance (cause it’s your chance to do the hump)
- make desserts in the window of a candy store
- full contact foosball
- gymboree
- recreate an episode of CSI
Possible reasons I love CSI: crime scene investigation as vehemently as I do October 14, 2009
- OCD means that sometimes I will need to watch 20 hours of the only television show while trapped in bed sick, even if it means opening a video store rental account
- there is no room for feelings in evidence. I like that!
- nick’s erratic southern charm and accent is unfailingly charming to me
- warrick is cool and flawed enough to be someone I find attractive and would want to date
- most badass female characters on television
- including a former showgirl!
- they kinda treat the bodies like fossils. I like fossils.
- if it’s good enough for taylor swift, it’s good enough for me
- btw, did you know she’s a quadruple threat? sings, dances, acts, and plays dead. is there nothing that sassy gal from the south can’t do?
- the most complex and elaborate crimes get solved in an hour. it’s gonna take me like three times as long to pack for my vacation, with everything I need in the same room.
- everything at the crime lab is so shiny
- grissom knows everything, including sign language. that reminds me of teddy.
- whoever thinks up the crimes on the show is a really scary genius
- eventually, something I picked up from the show is going to benefit me in real life
- the corpses remind me of six feet under. tear.
You Can Be My Yoko Ono October 12, 2009
Things Jian and I could do, and have done, together for endless hours:
1 – talk about award shows
2 – dissect the meaning of a song lyric
3 – search for an obscure food or drink in any city we happen to be in, including our own
4 – tweet
5 – debate who’s sluttier, bitchier, etc. (spoiler alert: it’s neither of us)
6 – talk at, not to, each other
7 – argue, but not really argue, about extremely trivial things like what neighborhood one of our college friends lived in (seriously, this exact conversation has happened like three times)
8 – consume british popular culture
9 – taste wine
10 – unintentionally make our friends think we hate each other
11 – quote our favorite comedians/movies/TV shows/songs/each other
12 – take pictures
13 – pretend to be a couple (but not for a condom commercial, because that just makes no sense)
14 – plan trips down to the most minute detail
15 – annoy people by the busload with all of the above
xoxo!
-rachel
