Possible reasons for this
- it is still 2009
- nothing good happens after 2am, even when you’re alone
- some 16 yr old girls were upset at my twilight review, found out where I lived and wanted to make a statement by infesting me with blood suckers
- I’ve become a pawn in the never ending fight betwixt Predator and Alien
- the egyptians are getting their revenge for the plagues
- brooklyn has noticed my absence and has found new ways to infect my life with awful
- one of the apps on my new phone has backfired horribly
- forces are already at work to ruin ted’s vacation
- I am irresistible to all male parasites
- swelling was the only way god thought he could make my head normal sized
