The Slow Gin Fizz

…and you’re welcome

Liveblogging Rupaul’s Drag Race Grand Finale April 26, 2010

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 9:04 pm
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brought to you by the makers of my roomate Erin, who made her and gave us a LOT of wine 29 years later

  • omg i can’t even stand it
  • this show makes me hate women less
  • jujubee is beyond adorable
  • terrence was right, all sentences should begin with ‘bitch please’. though i don’t think that’s how he meant it.
  • these women inspire my eyebrows
  • santino should judge all reality competitions
  • his voice warms my loins
  • OMG FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHY. dude, we gotta do that. but not in heels.
  • apparently the choreographer is the tiniest fiercest white man of all time
  • so THAT’s the difference between nailing and hammering
  • i want Tyra’s baby mama to be a judge in the competition
  • ok so LOGO has the greatest commercials of all time. and it’s no coincidence that most of them involve vodka.
  • oh god, i’m making my roomate read my blog as i blog in the same room as her whilst watching the same show and drinking the same wine. she is a saint.
  • is it wrong that i don’t care about the drag queens’ feelings.
  • i am only interested in bitchslapping and balltucking.
  • they’re talking about the Carringtons. somewhere my darling sean just pee’d a little.
  • great tip for living ‘try to get a little more rollercoaster in your ride’
  • oh my god they’re making a psuedo soap opera. this is incredible. even more than degrassi.
  • ‘jujubee came full loaded’
  • can someone please have a party that would allow me to wear a leather bodysuit and fishnets? or not.
  • damn, heel to eye casualties
  • IT BURNS
  • awww, young queens are trying to figure out the 80s. so cute!
  • omg they’re channeling LisaLisa
  • omg i used to be the shy fat kid too! oh wait, that was yesterday.
  • these bitches curse way better than all of the military guys i’ve dated
  • omg, santino is wearing a Slash top hat. ahhhhh.
  • wow, raven is doing cabaret 2010. incredible. ok fine, i love cabaret.
  • omg, my roomate is playing her voicemail out loud. it’s like being on The Hills! (don’t worry, commercial break, you didn’t miss anything)
  • damn rupaul, you did it. your new hit single ‘don’t be jealous of my boogie’ is stuck in my head for all eternity.
  • thank you dad for never sitting ME down to watch your drag reality show
  • omg the Interior Illusions Lounge! best lounge ever!
  • ahhhhhh they’re all going to lipsync for their lives!
  • ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jujubee noooooooooooooooooooo i miss you already
  • tyra is SO not better than her
  • crap, i’m team raven but i don’t want tyra’s kid to be homeless. he has a hard life ahead of him.
  • omg and the winner is…
  • SPOILER ALERT…
  • oh. tyra. ok. well, it’s for the kid.
  • wow, the winner hyperventilated and forgot to breathe. you don’t see that shit on american idol.
  • RAVEN I LOVE YOU GIRL!
  • god, who the fuck am i.
  • oh yeah. a fag hag.
  • KISSES!
 

Favorite things to do with my bestie Rachel April 1, 2010

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 2:44 pm
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  1. use the word bestie in a TOTALLY unironic way
  2. drink coffee ie having International Café moments (jean luuuuuc!)
  3. talk about our feelings in a completely constructive, life affirming manner
  4. PILLOW FIGHT!
  5. fantasize about being a mommy someday
  6. go to see jam bands
  7. put on our best flannel and heels to hit the streets of Williamsburg
  8. bake (btdubs, my apron totally rox! LOLZ!)
  9. have SATC marathons (spunk! ewwww!)
  10. get out of the city on the weekends (JERSEY SHORE BITCH!!!)
  11. hug it out
  12. shooooooe shopping!!!
  13. write poetry
  14. be AWESOME wingmen for each other
  15. MANI/PEDIS 4-EVA!!!

 

happy april fool’s fools, xoxo!

<3lisa

 

Fun review: new york stories: the annual MothShop All-Star Review @ city winery March 25, 2010

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists,bar review — theslowginfizz @ 12:53 pm
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  1. omg I love city winery. ok that’s a dumb statement. I love wine.
  2. but seriously, those may have been some of the more amazing scallops I’ve had in my life. The buffalo pizza was kinda meh though.
  3. on the upside, I like goat cheese sometimes. Who knew! And the bread with it was outstanding.
  4. oh right, the show. it’s really cool seeing what is basically a live podcast. It’s a neat reminder that no matter how cool something is on the interweb or on headphones, a live performance will always take poignancy to that next level. Even (or rather especially) if the show is just someone telling a story onstage with simple lighting.
  5. poignancy is probably the word of the eve. even though I liked some of the stories more than others, each one definitely struck an emotional cord. This is particularly strong coming from me, as my emotional cord hasn’t worked since 2003.
  6. even though the theme was ‘new york stories’ (which drew me in) I felt like these stories could have taken place anywhere and that the location was just wallpaper. I think as new yorkers, we have this tendency to categorize things as either ‘new yorky’ or ‘not new yorky enough’. I love new york and do this more often than not. maybe it’s not that things are ‘new yorky’. Maybe it’s just the ‘human condition’. maybe my emotional cord is more defective/destructive than I realized.
  7. I think it’s safe to say that everyone’s favorite story of the night was stanley alpert. he was once kidnapped at gunpoint (on his birthday), held for several hours, threatened with his savings account getting emptied and more. It wasn’t so much that this happened to him, or how he told the story (really well). it actually changed him and made his life better (or so it seems). These are the stories I love to believe in. when the worst thing becomes the best thing.
  8. ugh, look at this list, I’m like 3 items away from joining oprah’s book club. gross.
  9. have I mentioned that I love the upright bass? Perhaps the only upside to the rash of old timey bands sweeping the nyc music scene is that people are playing the upright bass again. oh, yeah, the point being the bass player (keith) would start playing when the stories hit the 10 min mark. That was really cool. I almost wish that people rambled more so I got to hear more bass.
  10. oh, and big ups to paul, the wicked cool sound engineer who talked to us. you have a dream job and don’t live in Brooklyn and talk like a normal person. only in new york.
 

Possible signature drinks in honor of the groundbreaking television experience that is gossip girl February 12, 2010

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 1:26 pm
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  1. the vapid whore (a stupid, overly simple drink with promiscuous ingredients. Vodka and simple syrup)
  2. the dan hump-rye
  3. Dorota’s Apron (a quiet and respectable low alcohol drink designed to help one keep one’s composure while quietly plotting world domination and perhaps similar to a sloe gin fizz)
  4. the headbander (whiskey sour with a twist)
  5. Rufus’ DUMBO (a drink marketed to be ‘edgy’ and from the wrong side of the tracks, but in reality is fancy and too expensive for median income consumption)
  6. i’m chuck bass (a beer cocktail mixing Bass beer and champagne)
  7. the queen bee (you guessed it, a honey cocktail!)
  8. the asscot (cognac, seltzer, a splash of scotch, ginger ale)
  9. the GG Cocktail (dirty show meets dirtiest work in the english language that isn’t a curse. Basically, a dirty martini)
  10. the Serena (a tequila based drink resulting in bad life choices)
  11. the Vanessa (a drink that looks stupid but tastes…stupid. I don’t know what’s in it, because I would never drink it)
  12. the Jenny (a fairly weak drink but garnished with narcotics)
  13.  the subway (aka water. a completely nonexistent drink since no one on this show seems to have ever seen a train despite being nyc lifers)
  14. tights aren’t pants (a drink that pretends to be practical, acts like it’s comfortable but classy, but is really just downright trampy. Aka, a sake bomb)
  15. the plot thickens (aka an alcoholic milkshake. Completely childish, stupid, wrong, nonsensical, and beyond awesome)
 

Things that I hope happen during my trip to seattle, Portland, and forks October 16, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 4:26 pm
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  1. somehow it works out that jian and Rachel are forced to go to the timber museum with me
  2. and it has a gift shoppe
  3. I fall madly in love with the owner of the biscuit store in Portland
  4. because of the time difference, after each fun filled day, I magically go back to the hotel to discover that in pacific time, csi is on right before bed
  5. omg, I’m gonna be closer to vegas, where csi takes place! dude, if anything happens to me while I’m out there, I want Nick on my case
  6. jam, and lots of it
  7. I return home with tribute drinks based on the cities I saw and the people I met
  8. I actually get to talk to someone indigenous
  9. the curator of the velvet painting museum is as quirky as I imagine them to be, gives us a tour, and recommends the best bar ever
  10. rachel is mellowed by the relaxed charm of the pacific northwest
 

fun things to do with these guys October 14, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 9:02 pm
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http://www.thefablife.com/2009-10-14/the-most-adorable-web-video-since-that-wedding-dance/

  1. figure out the rhyme and reason behind property tax law
  2. make a powerpoint presentation documenting my dating life
  3. do the brady bunch dance at the mall
  4. actually go shopping at the mall
  5. plan jian’s wedding
  6. at the office xmas party, do the humpy dance (cause it’s your chance to do the hump)
  7. make desserts in the window of a candy store
  8. full contact foosball
  9. gymboree
  10. recreate an episode of CSI
 

jian’s interboro amalgamated nu committees as no wedding ever did September 29, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 7:20 pm
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aka j.i.a.n.-c.a.n.-w.e.d.

aka, committees i would like to head up if anyone besides me liked committees.

  1. the wedding song committee (a sub-committee of lori and rachel’s music committee)
  2. the besides-the-wedding cake dessert committee
  3. the looking at wedding dresses online at work committee
  4. and it’s subcommittee, the creative ways to tell your coworkers that no, it’s not your wedding and yes, you’re ok and you know there’s someone out there for you too committee
  5. the who can gay cousin ted hook up with at jian’s wedding committee
  6. the poor life choices made at the bachelorette party committee
  7. the hangover mitigation committee
  8. the why is that guy yelling committee
  9. the ways and means committee (aka, the ways and means of telling people they can’t bring their loud and disruptive too young for public kids to the wedding committee)
  10. the inappropriate yet giggle worthy arts and crafts committee
  11. the honeymoon itinerant committee
  12. the hookups with the bartender and catering staff committee
  13. the creative, yet accurate, old/new/borrowed/blue committee
  14. the formal in front of relatives toasting committee
  15. the informal not in front of relatives roasting committee
 

liveblogging the movie ‘Wild Things’ with sean September 26, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 5:24 pm
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The scheme is far from tame. But whose scheme is it? Assume nothing as you venture beyond Blue Bay’s elite beach communities and into the murky waters of the Everglades for a mystery of deceit, sex and greed and unpredictable as a hungry gator. And please, keep your hands inside the boat at all times. (that’s what it says on the box. teehee)

  • vodka, ginger ale & lemonade. i think i will call it ‘the floridian whore’ in honor of this epic tale. hehe, i said tale.
  • it goes down smoothly…just LIKE a a floridian whore
  • whoever did the score for this movie probably does porn
  • bill murray!
  • OMG ME AND SEAN JUST REMEMBERED THERE’S A KEVIN BACON SHOWER PENIS SCENE. a big ol slab of bacon if you will. and you will.
  • matt dillon has a great ass. why did i never notice it before? makes me wish i was about asses
  • i feel positively woozy about kevin bacon at a cop
  • omg sean is a genius. he suggested adding rebecca gayheart to this movie.
  • hehe, kevin bacon wants to de-rig
  • ladies and gentlemen, denise richards AS denise richards
  • actually, this movie should’ve been called Floridian Whore
  • bill murray should always wear a neck brace. it works for him.
  • we never go alligator wrestling anymore
  • its very very strange hearing neve campbell say the phrase ‘fuck me in the ass’.
  • hahah, she’s so funny as a goth
  • michael jackson should have totally done the soundtrack for this movie
  • the courthouse in the movie is painted with an homage to gay porn
  • omg the weird teacher from my so called life plays a lawyer in this
  • bill murray is just as good of a lawyer as he is a buster of ghosts
  • lets always call people a skanky bitch
  • lisa: sean, this is the greatest movie of all time
  • sean: sweetie, remember, Center Stage? SECOND best.
  • i love how in movies, cuff links are a status symbol
  • why do hotels in florida movies look even sketchier than anywhere else in america
  • this movie makes me feel dirty. matt dillon really WAS the teacher of the year.
  • it’s so sad. matt dillon totally wants denise richards more than neve.
  • it’s not often you hear the C word in a movie
  • you ever have a situation where you saw something bad coming and there was nothing you could do to stop it
  • who wears combat boots all the time in florida
  • how did we ever say goodbye to high waisted jeans
  • i swear this film got screwed by the academy
  • vodka sneaks up on you. the floridian whore is quite the bitch.
  • funny. i get fatter and matt dillon gets hotter.
  • yay! old school cell phones
  • who walks around the house in jeans sneakers and just a bra. oh yeah, denise richards.
  • floridian climate must be awful on the hair
  • it is really hard to see bad things happen to matt dillon
  • sean was wrong. this IS the greatest movie ever.
 

thoughts I had while searching online for the best sandwich to eat in seattle September 22, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 4:15 pm
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  1. if I could have sandwiches for every meal, I wouldn’t have to choose
  2. I’m so overwhelmed
  3. this would be so much easier if I actually knew someone in seattle
  4. I can’t believe there’s no twilight themed sandwich anywhere (the cullen beef hash sandwich seems obvious)
  5. it makes me happy that people get so passionate about sandwiches when they comment online
  6. this would be so much easier if I knew someone in seattle
  7. am I the only one who hates sandwiches on ciabatta bread? yes, I used the word HATE
  8. no one likes celery in tuna so why does everyone make it that way?
  9. is it just me, or do they have more onions in seattle menus?
  10. there’s a biscuit place in portland that makes all these biscuit sandwiches. why the f would we not move in?
  11. figuring out which museum to go to was like ten times easier
  12. there are way too many websites doing the same food reviews
  13. wait, one review just said a sandwich place wasn’t good because it had the feel of a bourbon speakeasy. that’s a bad thing?
  14. I am so not west coast
  15. I care more about sandwiches than Keanu reeves. his bday list was 10 items, and this is 15. wait, I’ve never met him, why do I care that much about either? I loathe myself.
 

Things I can do with my sexy cold voice September 15, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 9:07 am
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  1. lounge singer sprawled on a piano
  2. get a ‘reasonable accommodation’ issued at work that allows me to drink hot toddies during the day
  3. get people to move away from me on the subway
  4. make mysterious phone calls to the government to make them aware of conspiracies
  5. play the voice of sick jian in a pixar version of her medical anomalies called ‘the jian’s’
  6. get out of bad dates early
  7. end annoying phone conversations prematurely
  8. blame my status quo loopiness on something other than loopiness
  9. have an excuse to eat massive amounts of fudgesicles
  10. sound weirder in my already extremely bizarro nightmares