The Slow Gin Fizz

…and you’re welcome

Liveblogging Rupaul’s Drag Race Grand Finale April 26, 2010

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 9:04 pm
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brought to you by the makers of my roomate Erin, who made her and gave us a LOT of wine 29 years later

  • omg i can’t even stand it
  • this show makes me hate women less
  • jujubee is beyond adorable
  • terrence was right, all sentences should begin with ‘bitch please’. though i don’t think that’s how he meant it.
  • these women inspire my eyebrows
  • santino should judge all reality competitions
  • his voice warms my loins
  • OMG FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHY. dude, we gotta do that. but not in heels.
  • apparently the choreographer is the tiniest fiercest white man of all time
  • so THAT’s the difference between nailing and hammering
  • i want Tyra’s baby mama to be a judge in the competition
  • ok so LOGO has the greatest commercials of all time. and it’s no coincidence that most of them involve vodka.
  • oh god, i’m making my roomate read my blog as i blog in the same room as her whilst watching the same show and drinking the same wine. she is a saint.
  • is it wrong that i don’t care about the drag queens’ feelings.
  • i am only interested in bitchslapping and balltucking.
  • they’re talking about the Carringtons. somewhere my darling sean just pee’d a little.
  • great tip for living ‘try to get a little more rollercoaster in your ride’
  • oh my god they’re making a psuedo soap opera. this is incredible. even more than degrassi.
  • ‘jujubee came full loaded’
  • can someone please have a party that would allow me to wear a leather bodysuit and fishnets? or not.
  • damn, heel to eye casualties
  • IT BURNS
  • awww, young queens are trying to figure out the 80s. so cute!
  • omg they’re channeling LisaLisa
  • omg i used to be the shy fat kid too! oh wait, that was yesterday.
  • these bitches curse way better than all of the military guys i’ve dated
  • omg, santino is wearing a Slash top hat. ahhhhh.
  • wow, raven is doing cabaret 2010. incredible. ok fine, i love cabaret.
  • omg, my roomate is playing her voicemail out loud. it’s like being on The Hills! (don’t worry, commercial break, you didn’t miss anything)
  • damn rupaul, you did it. your new hit single ‘don’t be jealous of my boogie’ is stuck in my head for all eternity.
  • thank you dad for never sitting ME down to watch your drag reality show
  • omg the Interior Illusions Lounge! best lounge ever!
  • ahhhhhh they’re all going to lipsync for their lives!
  • ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jujubee noooooooooooooooooooo i miss you already
  • tyra is SO not better than her
  • crap, i’m team raven but i don’t want tyra’s kid to be homeless. he has a hard life ahead of him.
  • omg and the winner is…
  • SPOILER ALERT…
  • oh. tyra. ok. well, it’s for the kid.
  • wow, the winner hyperventilated and forgot to breathe. you don’t see that shit on american idol.
  • RAVEN I LOVE YOU GIRL!
  • god, who the fuck am i.
  • oh yeah. a fag hag.
  • KISSES!
 

Summertime Wishlist April 5, 2010

Filed under: Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 2:31 pm
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  1. get a respectable tan
  2. hook up with someone not too unfortunate looking at a wedding
  3. no dates and definitely no leaning against the door
  4. see an outdoor concert fest
  5. thus allowing me to eat awful outdoor concert food aka funnel cake
  6. find an excuse for spending time in red hook eating nearly illegal amounts of steve’s authentic key lime pie
  7. learn the words to my summer anthem ‘feel me flow’ by naughty by nature
  8. find someone with a backyard and barbeque whom I don’t hate
  9. create a new signature summer drink to rival the awesomeness of 2009’s ‘michael jackson’
  10. take a train someplace far
  11. avoid boston and philly
  12. find a vendor of fresh honey that isn’t Whole Foods
  13. drink many beers outside
  14. clean my room
  15. go to some awesome 30th birthday parties
  16. avoid television with feelings
  17. avoid feelings full stop
  18. see many outdoor movies
  19. muy Los Mets
  20. sick amounts of outdoor brunching
 

Come hive with me March 15, 2010

Filed under: Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 2:35 pm
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Reasons YOU should consider a joint beekeeping endeavor with me once it’s legal

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/15/science/earth/15bees.html?src=me&ref=general

  1. do you really think it’s a good idea that I handle 20,000 bees alone?
  2. 100 pounds of honey!!! I could break a honeyeating world record! There isn’t even one on the books!!!
  3. Dude, we could make an entire cookbook’s worth of food with that.
  4. see what happened? It started with beekeeping and I just got in the kitchen and made you amazing baked goods.
  5. perhaps beekeeping is the gateway drug of domesticity for me
  6. it would probably lead to me having the entire rooftop completely to myself…and YOURSELF
  7. which would definitely keep me off the streets
  8. Lost is ending soon
  9. didn’t you say you always wanted a pet bee?
  10. we wouldn’t have allergies anymore and it might help with the whole mosquito bite issue
  11. “it’s such a positive, happy thing to do.” You love positive happy things!
  12. we’d get to dress up like the ghostbusters all summer!
  13. http://www.nyc-bees.org/coregroup.html how hot is adam?
  14. queens never does anything sustainable and Brooklyn is watching and laughing
  15. BISCUITS
 

Things that are cool about being 30 February 11, 2010

Filed under: Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 10:40 am
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  1. old people still think I’m young
  2. particularly the old men at the irish rover who find me precious
  3. instead of being in my LATE 20s I’m in my EARLY 30s which just sounds nicer
  4. my friends are not boring so I still get to live young
  5. I love even numbers
  6. I have a numerically valid reason for avoiding bars in NYU territory
  7. I am still at the median age for my local hipster bar
  8. I am far enough below the curve in terms of domesticity, that I can play it off as being ‘low maintenance’ and ‘a conscious choice’
  9. I am old enough to date politicians and oil magnates without it being a huge scandal
  10. I’m unequivocally a woman and not a girl which justifies a slightly overzealous approach to handbag shopping
  11. I can now say that I have been a beastie boys fan for exactly half of my life and a keanu fan for three quarters of my life
  12. I am a force to be reckoned with at restaurants, since my tastes are firmly established
  13. the bands I listen to have been around long enough to place me in the younger age bracket of concert going demographics
  14. since I will not be seeing vampire weekend live again
  15. fun, but poor life choices never go out of style
 

End of year/decade lists I decided not to make because they were too negative December 29, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 11:26 am
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  1. best hospital dining hall items of ‘09
  2. worst days ever
  3. harshest rejections of the decade
  4. favorite calories
  5. personal achievements of the decade
  6. biggest bug bites
  7. best fights with rachel
  8. things I thought would have happened by now that didn’t (#1 understanding when to use affect and effect)
  9. bad drink choices
  10. bad drunken choices
  11. the ones that got away
  12. bad habits i’ve developed
  13. best typos and grammatical errors
  14. best scripted and least probable romantic comedy moments
  15. biggest ny mets letdowns
 

Reasons you should live with me December 18, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 12:13 pm
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http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/roo/1515634549.html

  1. I wrote the longest room for rent ad in the history of time and yet managed to say remarkably little. talent!
  2. everyone else’s ad was boring and they smell
  3. in 4.5 years in my apartment, I have never once raised my voice to a roommate. I save that for Rachel.
  4. due to a spectacularly bad dating year, I will no longer be bringing any boys home and am too old to do so even if I wanted to
  5. I don’t cook anything so there’s never weird cooking smells
  6. I am big on vows of silence
  7. you never have to talk to me before noon
  8. my parents say I was the best roommate they ever had
  9. I bring home sandwiches
  10. CSI isn’t a very loud show
  11. I NEVER listen to taylor swift…without headphones
  12. gay cousin ted visits sometimes
  13. since I can’t find an instructional book for my harmonica, that probably won’t be going anywhere
  14. once I win the new drink contest, I’ll be pretty rich and famous and will be getting lots of cool stuff for the apartment
  15. I hate people, so there’s never any wild parties
 

things that would get said in couples counseling with rachel and lisa December 7, 2009

Filed under: Ethical Debates,Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 9:21 pm
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  1. didn’t we we just share yesterday?
  2. is this byob?
  3. dude, it’s just grammar, chill the fuck out
  4. can we watch ‘love actually’ while we do this?
  5. just proofread emails before you send them. it takes literally a second
  6. dude, ‘literally’ is as unnecessary of a word as utilize
  7. lisa, feelings cannot be stupid or wrong. but you do really stupid things based on how you feel. a lot.
  8. rachel, i think that’s stupid
  9. you’re such an asshole
  10. why can’t you just say ‘i’m busy’ or ‘i don’t feel like it’ or ‘maybe, i’ll let you know by 4′ when i try to make plans?
  11. do you have anything heavier than a nerf baseball bat to emote with?
  12. can we get our friends on conference call? we’ll pay extra.
  13. why are you yelling? i’m sitting two feet away. ‘literally’.
  14. i’m gonna need honey for this level of impasse
  15. therapist, can we get one of those police lineup mirror windows in here? we get along better when we think no one’s watching.
  16. where are we going to eat after this? they have a bar, right?
  17. teddy’s gonna be maaaaad when i tell him you called me retarded
  18. if we had a friendship assessment committee, this would not be necessary
  19. lisa, you put the ‘ass’ in ‘assessment’
  20. hehe, you said ass and men
 

Reasons I am a mets fan cheering on the Yankees in the world series October 29, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 8:56 am
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  1. I was made in the Bronx
  2. my mom is a yankees fan. she rocks. so does my crazy friend mike who makes baseball even superawtastic.
  3. even the roots left philly for new york
  4. remember that time philly ruined our lives? and then that other time?
  5. new york gets even funner when we win shit. even when the yanks lost last night, it was still crazy fun.
  6. phillies fans boo seven year old girls and I suspect they also kick puppies
  7. I finally have a valid reason for cursing at teddy
  8. philadelphia is closer to Brooklyn in geography and spirit
  9. shane? chase? jayson??? it would be like cheering on the mean rich boys from a john hughes movie.
  10. the phanatic is stupid

THE PROOF: http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/video?id=7088461

 

Possible reasons why I am having such strong physical and emotional reactions to the music of taylor swift October 5, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 10:47 am
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  1. this must be my version of a sports car as age 30 closes in
  2. and I’m still on the bleachers
  3. on youtube, all you have to type is ‘Ta’ and that friggin song is the first thing that comes up
  4. on google, all you have to type is ‘you be’ and the lyrics to that friggin song are the first thing that comes up
  5. that’s what happens when you watch MTV on direct tv during a flight home when you’re terrified of flying and don’t want to go home and you just landed and that friggin video is on
  6. I hate cheerleaders
  7. I love sneakers and tshirts
  8. laughing on a park bench is actually really easy
  9. I listened to nirvana during my formative years and never got to indulge in age appropriate puppy love angst
  10. aka I was a fat tweenager
  11. had the beastie boys released their new album as scheduled, this would not be an issue
  12. my dad is gay
  13. I don’t think any of us can be held responsible for our actions in 2009. at least I didn’t get a really bad haircut.
  14. perhaps my amateur mixology really wasn’t the best idea and all these feelings are the result of some bad jam
  15. taylor is like the adorable blond perky nice popular [but not too popular] little sister I never had
 

jian’s interboro amalgamated nu committees as no wedding ever did September 29, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 7:20 pm
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aka j.i.a.n.-c.a.n.-w.e.d.

aka, committees i would like to head up if anyone besides me liked committees.

  1. the wedding song committee (a sub-committee of lori and rachel’s music committee)
  2. the besides-the-wedding cake dessert committee
  3. the looking at wedding dresses online at work committee
  4. and it’s subcommittee, the creative ways to tell your coworkers that no, it’s not your wedding and yes, you’re ok and you know there’s someone out there for you too committee
  5. the who can gay cousin ted hook up with at jian’s wedding committee
  6. the poor life choices made at the bachelorette party committee
  7. the hangover mitigation committee
  8. the why is that guy yelling committee
  9. the ways and means committee (aka, the ways and means of telling people they can’t bring their loud and disruptive too young for public kids to the wedding committee)
  10. the inappropriate yet giggle worthy arts and crafts committee
  11. the honeymoon itinerant committee
  12. the hookups with the bartender and catering staff committee
  13. the creative, yet accurate, old/new/borrowed/blue committee
  14. the formal in front of relatives toasting committee
  15. the informal not in front of relatives roasting committee