Things Lisa and I have done, either together or alone, at least 30 times, if not more, and survived:
1 – invent words
2 – invent games
3 – do tequila shots
4 – have impasses
5 – drink entire bottles of wine
6 – alienate our friends/family
7 – talk about hands
8 – run like show ponies or phoebe from friends
9 – watch taylor swift videos
10 – fall down
the funniest things lori ever said to me, or at least the only ones i can remember right now. naturally, some of them are better in context. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUERTO RICO!!!
1 – “that’s not the girl he came out of the bathroom with”
2 – “you went to trivia without me?!”
3 – “he’s my longest relationship after verizon” (fyi this is not in reference to a significant other)
4 – “i didn’t ask if you cleaned out your vagina”
5 – “why do you hang out with people that aren’t us?”
6 – “did they just say sesame chicken?”
7 – “i like how you say very straight, like there are those who are slightly straight”
8 – “you can’t make me put vinegar on my french fries”
9 – “don’t laugh at me, i’m wonderful”
10 – “my father is more of a jewish mother than my mother ever was”
Things Jian and I could do, and have done, together for endless hours:
1 – talk about award shows
2 – dissect the meaning of a song lyric
3 – search for an obscure food or drink in any city we happen to be in, including our own
4 – tweet
5 – debate who’s sluttier, bitchier, etc. (spoiler alert: it’s neither of us)
6 – talk at, not to, each other
7 – argue, but not really argue, about extremely trivial things like what neighborhood one of our college friends lived in (seriously, this exact conversation has happened like three times)
8 – consume british popular culture
9 – taste wine
10 – unintentionally make our friends think we hate each other
11 – quote our favorite comedians/movies/TV shows/songs/each other
12 – take pictures
13 – pretend to be a couple (but not for a condom commercial, because that just makes no sense)
14 – plan trips down to the most minute detail
15 – annoy people by the busload with all of the above
xoxo!
-rachel
1 – that keanu should take some acting classes.
2 – i think i want cake at my wedding instead of pie.
3 – what’s a text message?
4 – wait, i have to make a phone call.
5 – can we start planning my birthday party now? i can’t wait!!!!
6 – this would taste better if it wasn’t a sandwich.
7 – don’t remind me, i’ll remember on my own.
8 – feelings are my favorite.
9 – isn’t that an improper use of the word “effect”?
10 – i’ve been apartment hunting in brooklyn.
Reasons I wish I could give Lori my uterus:
1 – It’s really a pet-friendly organ.
2 – I’m sure I’m doing it no good with all the whiskey I drink.
3 – It would make at least one Jewish mother happy.
4 – We could make really clever t-shirts for the occasion.
5 – We might develop a weird twin-type ESP about each other.
6 – I would have a really special relationship with her kids, and probably a cool nickname.
7 – I don’t need any other scapegoats for being cranky.
8 – There would be a lifelong supply of innuendoes about it.
9 – Joe would always be willing to help me with techy stuff.
10 – Maybe the weight of my uterus is what’s holding me back from being graceful enough for sports or a non-klutzy life?
things that have annoyed me immensely in the past few months that never really did this much before, and probably shouldn’t:
1 – people being in worse moods than me
2 – people just trying to do their job
3 – people being happy
4 – forgiveable spelling and grammar errors
5 – people reminding me of things i have no excuse not to have done already, personally and professionally
6 – people who are only playing the messenger
7 – people who i know are never going to change
8 – people who are drunker than me
9 – people who are more sober than me
10 – people who make the same stupid mistakes that i do
11 – my memory failing me
12 – technology
13 – problems that are my fault
14 – not being the center of attention
15 – customer service reps
during gct week, we came up with a fun game: rent or little shop of horrors? try to place the quote, it’s harder than you think:
1 – A lot of folks deserve to die!
2 – “Don’t tell me, you got tied up.” “No, just handcuffed a little.”
3 – Turn around girlfriend, and listen to that boy’s song.
4 – So, how do you intend to better yourselves?
5 – I have so, so many strong reservations.
6 – Son, kid, boy, are we gonna make a fortune!
7 – I feel … lousy.
8 – This boy could use some stoli.
9 – I’m from past the stars and beyond the moon.
10 – When they act tough, you call their bluff.
on monday morning, my cell phone broke. on thursday afternoon, i finally got around to replacing it. a few observations:
1 – good lord, why did you all let me leave my voicemail greeting like that for so long? i sound like i’m 12.
2 – with email, AIM, gchat, facebook, and twitter, i am constantly in touch with everyone i need to be and really didn’t miss having a phone at all.
3 – i use my blackberry for more things than my cell phone, but i still really don’t want to combine the two.
4 – i got 3 voicemails: one from my dad telling me about easter, one from eric making fun of me (thanks lori), and one from someone who i’ve been playing phone tag with for 6 months who never answers his phone when i call back. i think that means i win at not talking to people.
5 – i got 3 texts: 2 from my coworker running late on monday morning (she then emailed me), and 1 from digs probably making fun of my facebook status about not having a working phone. again, i win.
6 – i still remember the five phone numbers i needed to know before i got a cell phone. but not my mother’s cell phone number, because she got hers after me, of course. ask me if you’re on that list and maybe i’ll tell you.
7 – i hate every non-smartphone on the market right now. i think companies aren’t even trying to make them good anymore.
8 – verizon’s backup assistant is the best thing ever.
9 – verizon’s store on 42nd and 6th is the worst thing ever.
10 – i hate losing all my hysterical saved text messages every time i get a new phone.
11 – it’s fun to call people from 310 numbers when they don’t expect it.
anyone who is my friend on any social networking site knows of my deep and undying love for the status message. so it probably comes as no surprise that i feel very strongly about what a status should and shouldn’t be. here are a few things to avoid in order for your status to be appreciated and not mocked:
1 – talking about how tired you are, what time you went to sleep, or how many hours of sleep you got
2 – repeated mentions of how much you love your significant other
3 – scripture quotes
4 – emoticons
5 – your desire for it to be 5pm/6pm/the workday to be over
6 – caps lock
7 – what song/artist/album you’re listening to at that very moment, as it will likely change, unless you have something interesting to say about it
8 – bad grammar, i.e. “rachel is excited because she is going to my parent’s house tonight”
9 – extremely time-sensitive statuses that are likely to change immediately
10 – other languages
and in case you were wondering, inside jokes are totally appropriate.
If I was a celebrity, these would be some of my demands:
1 – An all-British entourage
2 – No Dave Matthews songs can ever be played in my earshot
3 – Weekly appearances on Craig Ferguson’s show
4 – Snuggies in every hotel room
5 – Brown M&M’s and naked pictures of Bea Arthur in every room (not really, those are just movie references)
6 – Every hour is happy hour
7 – No mushrooms, ricotta cheese, tomatoes, or maple syrup on any table where I am eating a meal
8 – The Knicks have to start winning games
9 – Everyone around me must have perfect grammar and spelling
10 – Brunch is the only meal
11 – The FDA makes potato chips a food group
12 – More, or all, shoes are designed for women with my feet
13 – DATE TV becomes a reality
14 – No animals
15 – I never have to go anywhere suburban
What’s on your list?
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