The Slow Gin Fizz

thoughts that contributed to my smartphone’s suicide attempt when it decided it couldn’t take it anymore and jumped into my glass of wine

theslowginfizz — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:49:39 +0000

if I tell her how Lost ends, maybe she’ll stop watching episode after episode. THE ISLAND TRAVELS THROUGH TIME IDIOT.
why does this bitch keep checking me, you KNOW no one called. depressing!
YES THE RINGER IS ON AND IT IS WORKING
for a former english major, she really sucks at boggle
oh no, not the youtube app, it can only mean one thing. taylor swift’s ‘you belong with me’. again. with the tearful sing-a-long. !@#$
oh and now you want to text him. THAT’S a good idea. I can’t freeze the screen every time you make a bad decision you know.
what exactly do you intend to use your photoshop app for? Ha, you can’t figure it out.
and really, you know the neato looking compass will just confuse you
you saw daylight savings marked on your calendar and got excited thinking you had something to do. Sucka. ::hangs camera lens in shame::
I KNOW you didn’t just shazam a depressing Pink song.
‘sad bastard’ is not a genre on Pandora that either of us need to listen to
I understand you have a checkers ‘strategy’, but you keep losing to an unchanged algorithm who doesn’t care about your intense need to feel some sense of success in life
you should be googling psychotherapists instead of fish tacos
I can assure you that no one is interested whatever you are considering liveblogging
dude, when writing an email, the Send button is on the left and the Discard button is on the right. IT’S NOT THAT HARD AND THEY ARE CLEARLY MARKED AHHHHHHHH. That’s it. goodbye cruel world. Tell apple I’m sorry for that whole patent thing. I have suffered everyday since.

Filed under: Lisa's Lists Tagged: boggle, relationship biscuits, smartphones, taylor swift

Concert review: Tally Hall, Jukebox the Ghost, bowery ballroom 3.5.10

theslowginfizz — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:11:54 +0000

why are there no good dive bars right by there? We went to the weirdest place ever first. 2 for 1 alchy lemonade is the best way to start one’s night.
am I too old to be going to these kind of late shows on a school night? probably. Do I care? not so much. But seriously, 7:30 means the first of three bands should go on no later than 8.
opening band, who I can’t quite remember so I will call S-box. You were really fun. thanks for playing. Sorry, it’s hard to remember details of 3 bands who sound similar. But seriously, this was a really perfect and appropriate lineup of acts. Big ups to the booking agent!
is there a new trend of old timey big band type music seeping into rock music? I’ve been seeing a lot of it lately (see also: benefit for Haiti). I like it. it’s nice to see rock being fun again. I’ve had enough of the scruffy sad bastards playing guitar. Anyone can play guitar.
jukebox the ghost, I looooved you. again, really fun, old timey band sound. Stellar energy. You made me feel young again.
catchy song of the week: ‘hold it in’. download it, listen to it, let it seep into your subconscious. Not totally unlike the band fun. whom I also really love these days. I hope I remember to buy the album.
random MC in the audience who kept yelling and asking the bands to give him ‘two bars’. Your name was terrific? Something like that. seriously, book your own shows. it’s not that hard.
ok, Tally Hall. What a great following of the young people you have and yet I’ve never heard of you. good hype. Great facial hair.
and yes, you guessed it, matching vest suits. like the old timey big bands.
so, started off kinda slow. I was a bit bored and fidgety for the first few songs. but man, the playing was damn tight. It’s nice that people are practicing and not relying on buzz alone. And they even wanted to talk about feelings!
what’s this, an intermission followed by a relocation to the audience area. Surrounded by lamps that could be from your parents house. turned on. gimmicky, sure, but who doesn’t love being asked to sit on the beer sticky floor at an nyc venue after standing for like 3 hours. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
had I been told I would be waiting for a fairly acoustic set, I would have left, but it wasn’t at all slow, still fun and still tight. When people talk about ‘intimate shows’ THAT’S what they’re talking about.
oh my god, horn players in the balcony popping up just like in ‘love actually’. Ahhhhhhhhh! Makes you realize the great acoustics the place has. And adorable. And perfect. And much better than the usual ‘horn playing’ you’d expect in dark balconies.
none of the songs stood out, but only because they were all consistently really good and equally catchy. This is another album I would totally buy. Again, bands making music people actually want to listen to. Yay!
kudos to the lead singer, the whole time I really thought he was looking at me. that is hard to pull off. again, intimate.
no one likes teenagers/early twenties’ers less than I do. But the audience was really perfect. Kudos kids!
a recorder AND a ukulele. Score! how retro.
I really love when the bands who tour together play together. Especially when they have similar sounds and actually CAN play together.
ok, so you’re covering Cecelia. And you know what, you are rocking it. something about the collaboration, the audience singing, and everything made it absolutely the most perfect song to end with. Well played.
4 years of college bars made me loathe the song, but I am now ready to welcome it back into my life. Or at least my head, where it’s resided since leaving the show.

Filed under: Concert Reviews, Lisa's Lists Tagged: Bowery Ballroom, Jukebox the Ghost, old timey, Tally Hall, terrific

Rejected taglines for national grammar day

theslowginfizz — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:35:35 +0000

the subject of my affection & effection
dude, where’s my conjunction?
a failure to conjugate is a conjugation of failure
I don’t know, CAN you?
whom are you?
there’s no I in Adverbs
one nation under an umlaut
overcoming interjections in the face of unbeatable objects
you can’t take the effect and make it the clause
comma comma comma comma comma chameleon
the unbearable antecedent of agreement
the fragments of my mind
passive’fy my heart
you can handle the proof…reading
apostrophes NOW

Filed under: Lisa's Lists Tagged: lisa's bad grammar, national grammar day

Fun review: Kathy griffin @ msg 2.18.10

theslowginfizz — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 18:33:20 +0000

Chelsea is going to be a ghost town this weekend during these shows
awww, I love pregaming with uber fun ‘mos
how do I always end up at shows for comics whom I know very little about?
OMG JOAN RIVERS! She has about as many original parts as dolph lundgren’s character did in ‘johnny mnemonic’, but even this incarnation of her is a national treasure
why am I such a sucker for montages? Wow, Kathy has really done a lot of cool stuff. And that Eminem video for real the slim shady still holds up in terms of utter randomness
dude, why was she never on 6 feet under? It would have been incredible!
oh snap, she made fun of deaf people. teddy’s gonna be maaaaaad.
brb, I am currently pee’ing myself as I recall her impression of Snooki re: their grammy’s red carpet chat about bumpits and boyfriends
this is actually pretty gd funny
omg, these stories about her mom cursing at her and drinking boxed wine are hilarious. me and dad could TOTALLY have our own show. though obviously my dad would be kathy griffin and I would be drinking boxed wine.
I think me and her have similar reactions to life’s poignant moments (aka fear and humor as a defense mechanism)
wow, she gets freaked out around famous people just like me
um. Has anyone noticed that she talks EXACTLY like sean?
it’s great that Kathy is doing law & order, but I really need her on CSI vegas
she is making fun of oprah and celine dion. I think she is officially my hero.
it is highly unlikely that I will ever stop laughing at the oprah impression
it’s really refreshing when an LA celeb shows genuine love and affection for nyc
it must be really hard for her to be friends with susanne somers without making mr. roper jokes all the time
I still can’t wrap my head around her doing new years shows for cnn. they were kinda asking for it.
whoa, 2 hours and I was still laughing. Kathy, I heart you!

Filed under: Concert Reviews, Lisa's Lists Tagged: gary coleman, joan rivers, kathy griffin, madison square garden, mr. roper, snooki

Possible signature drinks in honor of the groundbreaking television experience that is gossip girl

theslowginfizz — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:26:26 +0000

the vapid whore (a stupid, overly simple drink with promiscuous ingredients. Vodka and simple syrup)
the dan hump-rye
Dorota’s Apron (a quiet and respectable low alcohol drink designed to help one keep one’s composure while quietly plotting world domination and perhaps similar to a sloe gin fizz)
the headbander (whiskey sour with a twist)
Rufus’ DUMBO (a drink marketed to be ‘edgy’ and from the wrong side of the tracks, but in reality is fancy and too expensive for median income consumption)
i’m chuck bass (a beer cocktail mixing Bass beer and champagne)
the queen bee (you guessed it, a honey cocktail!)
the asscot (cognac, seltzer, a splash of scotch, ginger ale)
the GG Cocktail (dirty show meets dirtiest work in the english language that isn’t a curse. Basically, a dirty martini)
the Serena (a tequila based drink resulting in bad life choices)
the Vanessa (a drink that looks stupid but tastes…stupid. I don’t know what’s in it, because I would never drink it)
the Jenny (a fairly weak drink but garnished with narcotics)
the subway (aka water. a completely nonexistent drink since no one on this show seems to have ever seen a train despite being nyc lifers)
tights aren’t pants (a drink that pretends to be practical, acts like it’s comfortable but classy, but is really just downright trampy. Aka, a sake bomb)
the plot thickens (aka an alcoholic milkshake. Completely childish, stupid, wrong, nonsensical, and beyond awesome)

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With..., Lisa's Lists Tagged: chuck bass, cocktail, gossip girl, gossip girl signature drinks

Things that are cool about being 30

theslowginfizz — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:40:33 +0000

old people still think I’m young
particularly the old men at the irish rover who find me precious
instead of being in my LATE 20s I’m in my EARLY 30s which just sounds nicer
my friends are not boring so I still get to live young
I love even numbers
I have a numerically valid reason for avoiding bars in NYU territory
I am still at the median age for my local hipster bar
I am far enough below the curve in terms of domesticity, that I can play it off as being ‘low maintenance’ and ‘a conscious choice’
I am old enough to date politicians and oil magnates without it being a huge scandal
I’m unequivocally a woman and not a girl which justifies a slightly overzealous approach to handbag shopping
I can now say that I have been a beastie boys fan for exactly half of my life and a keanu fan for three quarters of my life
I am a force to be reckoned with at restaurants, since my tastes are firmly established
the bands I listen to have been around long enough to place me in the younger age bracket of concert going demographics
since I will not be seeing vampire weekend live again
fun, but poor life choices never go out of style

Filed under: hopes and dreams and stuff, Lisa's Lists Tagged: 30

The Numbers Game

theslowginfizz — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 13:14:02 +0000

Things Lisa and I have done, either together or alone, at least 30 times, if not more, and survived:

1 – invent words

2 – invent games

3 – do tequila shots

4 – have impasses

5 – drink entire bottles of wine

6 – alienate our friends/family

7 – talk about hands

8 – run like show ponies or phoebe from friends

9 – watch taylor swift videos

10 – fall down

Filed under: Birthday Love, Rachel's Lists Tagged: lisa, rachel, taylor swift, tequila

Reasons I Love Lisa

theslowginfizz — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 12:58:16 +0000

A guest blog in tribute to my dearest Lisa on a completely random day. There is absolutely no reason I’m doing this list today, promise. Completely random. I just love her so much.

1. She writes the best haikus
2. She loves pie. As someone who loves pie’s distant cousin, cake, I can totally relate.
3. She makes amazing french toast (still bothered by the fact that she doesn’t eat it).
4. She talks about how great my hair is…like all the time.
5. I like the way you combs your hair.
6. I like the stylish clothes you wear.
7. It’s just the little things you do.
8. That make me want to get with you. (sorry, creepy, but that song has been in my head for the last 5 minutes).
9. She sends a good postcard.
10. When you get her riled up she’ll insult your sexuality.
11. And probably insult the orifice you most commonly use as a sexual being.
12. She writes great lists
13. To this day, I have never had a hangover as fun as the one with her.
14. She knows where the best sandwiches are.
15. She likes great beer.
16. She’s Mr. Pibb’s biggest fan.
17. She makes me laugh all the time…and sometimes pee my pants.
18. She loves the Mets and as a fan of a losing baseball team, I can relate.
19. She has an uber comfortable bed.
20. So many things that I want to say, you know I like my girls a little bit older. I don’t want to lose your love tonight.

Wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin Lisa! Sto Lat!

Kocham Cie,
Tsvel Kuzyn Tadziu (Gay Cousin Ted)

Filed under: Guest Blog Tagged: gay cousin ted, lisa

liveblogging the season premiere of Lost

theslowginfizz — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 02:32:45 +0000

btdubs – i’ve never watched the show before

Matthew Fox should stop flying. it’s just not fair to the rest of the passengers on the plane
that guy is talking during the show. that is soooooo not allowed
the first rule of Lost night is that you don’t talk during Lost night.
the word buoyant is funny
people on planes share a lot. no wonder i don’t like flying.
makes you wonder, what would you say to someone who just died an hour ago
man, if there was a show with like, Lost meets CSI…i would never leave the house again
btw, the csi vegas team would’ve figured this out hours ago
its really funny when that guy talks about television
um. why are they using the song ‘more than a feeling’ in a commercial
how in the name of god is that woman alive? she was clutching a bomb
when did this show turn into the movie ‘the Mummy’
number one sign of bad acting: the in pain sounds are exactly the same as the sex sounds
bloody people kissing is totally gross
ugh, there are way too many feelings on this show
i feel unhappy just looking at these people
matthew fox looks like a hot science teacher that you never really understand, but would totally bang anyways
i HATE when people call other people ‘boss’
wait. she died in an underground mine explosion and both her sneakers are still on? do any of the laws of physics apply? or does just calling it Lost make whatever ok?
i wonder if the marketing folks ever thought to use the black smoke for an anti-smoking campaign? something like ‘i got the black smoke pops’.
“under the milky way” is in car commercials now? oh good.
hold up, no one is in the women’s bathroom after a flight from australia? don’t even get me started.
YES, STOP CALLING HIM BOSS
figures, a world of guitar cases and no guitars
the music on this show is totally stupid. please someone help them.
ugh, a magical island and there’s still kids
the word coveralls is funny
um. when someone says there are risks, wouldn’t the correct response be ‘what are the risks’?
damn. everyone on this show has to watch the people they love die like 17 times.
ok, i am enjoying the show, but everything they say reminds me why i don’t do yoga
where do these people get the guns from?
omg, i really want to be there when rachel has kids and tries to explain this show to them

Filed under: Lisa's Lists Tagged: Lost, that guy

liveblogging the aforementioned haiti benefit of awesome

theslowginfizz — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 17:43:58 +0000

sort of. what started as a liveblog attempt via my phone quickly deteriorated into my typical drunken frustration with technology. BUT, i took notes! beer was cheap. italicized notes are cheryls. needless to say, SIC. hard to believe that career in journalism never worked out.

seriously, my comments read kinda negative, but this show was a hot blast.

omg jumbalaya! Oh, meat. cornbread!
organic cookies are stupid
omg, they sell every can of beer ever!
I LOVE JUG BANDS FROM STATEN ISLAND
seriously, this is good stuff. is this what steampunk or pipe is?
pat kiernan is doing trivia! he just said the word sexy!
oh god, he said the lyrics to baby got back!
ZELDA RUBENSTEIN DIED
she’s like the wind…too soon
he is talking about snuggies now
PAT, JIAN LOVES YOU!
jimmy fallon as neil young?
oh, apparently this is a thing that happens. i’m not sure why it’s funny, but he does a good job of singing like neil young?
and now he’s singing the fresh prince theme song. pop culture confuses me.
oh. comedy.
lisa worries she’s overshared about upcoming bathroom venture :0)
chimey band starts their playing
this bar needs stools
i like banjo
that’s a hat worth having
NAPKIN
let me know when you’re ready for another drink. CHERISHED! (?)
i’m alright with goulash
michael showalter, i don’t think i get you, but cheryl hearts you lots
oh, she said you weren’t that great either
‘it’s that i’m drinking’
chick in front of us us so excited to find out that sondre lurche lives in williamsburgh
it’s like a better than ezra concert (said sondre)
i think he’s kinda boring. but nice.
todd barry. you look familiar. slightly less unfunny than the other guys.
ha, he used the word boundryless. that’s funny.
howie and maryellen would not enjoy this
just give it to me and i’ll put it in
(said by drunk dude in front of us) “dude, my dream girl. she’s bossy, and more importantly, she’s hot”
the wrens actually rock. they should rock continuously throughout the songs though.
too bad they’re named for a bird
raucous noise
most of my songs would be centered on ‘ping’
wow, they’re covering Higher Ground. neato!
‘this is my least favorite song’ – lead singer of supergroup with the dude from the new pornographers
so, apparently the theme of this concert was ‘the time of parasols’
i honestly don’t remember anything about this band. the chick singer had a nice voice. but i think i was bored.
seriously, did i miss something? we have electricity now, are jugs and banjos necessary?
but more importantly, hot
i probably would have enjoyed this more if the other acts weren’t so old timey and the theme wasn’t abused
lisa’s red stripe is chock full
alright guy, where’s lauren ambrose
aw, ted leo is covering that sappy Sade song. it only kinda works.
and it’s definately no ’since you’ve been gone’
he’s ok. i feel like my friends in bands are better than this.
that’s the sound your bottom makes on the way to hitting wood
OMG IT’S CLAIRE FROM SIX FEET UNDER AHHHHH
i can’t believe i’ve seen her and billy’s band in the span of a month. sorry claire, i like billy’s singing more
dude, she looks the same, so weird. and i’m reminded of the episode where she sings that musical number about pantyhose. she sings exactly the same.
it’s ok. she has that really powerful ‘american idol’ voice that i hate because it’s strong but not necesarily pleasant sounding
and it’s a swing band. i miss modern rock. and not brooklyn.
awww, but the cover of ‘don’t think twice, it’s alright’ was adorable
i’m so upset that fun. never showed up. fun., if you play, i will come!

Filed under: Concert Reviews, Lisa's Lists Tagged: ac newman, bell house, fun., haiti, jugs, lauren ambrose, pat kiernan, red stripe, strength through unity, the wrens