- the vapid whore (a stupid, overly simple drink with promiscuous ingredients. Vodka and simple syrup)
- the dan hump-rye
- Dorota’s Apron (a quiet and respectable low alcohol drink designed to help one keep one’s composure while quietly plotting world domination and perhaps similar to a sloe gin fizz)
- the headbander (whiskey sour with a twist)
- Rufus’ DUMBO (a drink marketed to be ‘edgy’ and from the wrong side of the tracks, but in reality is fancy and too expensive for median income consumption)
- i’m chuck bass (a beer cocktail mixing Bass beer and champagne)
- the queen bee (you guessed it, a honey cocktail!)
- the asscot (cognac, seltzer, a splash of scotch, ginger ale)
- the GG Cocktail (dirty show meets dirtiest work in the english language that isn’t a curse. Basically, a dirty martini)
- the Serena (a tequila based drink resulting in bad life choices)
- the Vanessa (a drink that looks stupid but tastes…stupid. I don’t know what’s in it, because I would never drink it)
- the Jenny (a fairly weak drink but garnished with narcotics)
- the subway (aka water. a completely nonexistent drink since no one on this show seems to have ever seen a train despite being nyc lifers)
- tights aren’t pants (a drink that pretends to be practical, acts like it’s comfortable but classy, but is really just downright trampy. Aka, a sake bomb)
- the plot thickens (aka an alcoholic milkshake. Completely childish, stupid, wrong, nonsensical, and beyond awesome)
Possible signature drinks in honor of the groundbreaking television experience that is gossip girl February 12, 2010
a game of inches December 11, 2008
strange details from my expensive haircut today by Roger. lisa is undecided about whether or not it was successful.
- after getting an awesome scalp massage, the hair washer painstakingly cleaned out my ears with the towel.
- roger looked and sounded like yanush from ghostbusters [nondescript european accent with those weird yellow sunglasses and the biggest pinky bling i've ever seen] but with the laugh of steve urkel. not kidding. bumble and bumble was pronounced ‘bembuhl ee bembuhl’. no one else at the salon seemed to understand him.
- roger was extremely excited about a hair product called ‘big sexy hair’ which, as per him, is all the rage with the teenagers of new jersey. the word sexy was used many many times during our time together.
- after phase one of my cut, roger had me get out of the chair and continued cutting my hair while in the standing position behind me.
- his cutting style could best be described as edward scissorhands-like in the sense that he seemed to cut like a whirling dervish AT my hair from weird angles, but not really cut it, even though hair fluttered magically to the floor.
- at no point while he was cutting did he stop to check that the lengths were even. i am pretty sure there that no two hairs on my head are the same length.
- when it was time to dry my hair, he kinda juggled the hairdryer the way tom cruise juggled bottles in the epic film ‘cocktail’ [aka the dirtiest non-dirty word in the english language].
- after meticulously shaping my hair into what can only be described as pageant queen cum charlies angels, he discarded the brush and just aimlessly blow dried it for a while.
- he then used the blow drier to sweep the floor.
- when i was leaving, he not only put my coat on for me, but buttoned it up as well.
i am still scared.
