The Slow Gin Fizz

…and you’re welcome

the e-mail forward classification project June 3, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 11:43 am
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Ten years after I first started getting forwards, I have officially reached my breaking point. In trying to get my forward offending coworker on the wagon, we created a system of classification for forwards. Most of my friends reading this know better, but in case you’re ever stumped on whether or not to send me something, if it falls into one of these categories, it WILL annoy me and if you send it you are dead to me.

 

  1. work is not fun
  2. it is nice to have friends
  3. being a woman means acting hormonally and liking chocolate
  4. dating men can occasionally be unpleasant but they are nice to look at when they take their shirts off
  5. freedom aint free
  6. old people are funny
  7. praise god in all his glory
  8. ghetto pictures as cautionary tales
  9. being a wife/mom is thankless and hard but filled with poignant moments
  10. keep on truckin for one reason or another
 

possible explanations of why people have frequent nightmares which in no way explains why i have frequent nightmares June 2, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 6:32 pm
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thank you http://www.howtogetridofstuff.com/health/how-to-get-rid-of-nightmares/and http://www.asdreams.org/nightma.htm

  1. they are betwixt the ages of 3 and 8
  2. they are adolescents
  3. they are under the age of 25
  4. they are crime victims
  5. they fought in a war
  6. they are taking beta blockers or ironically, anti depressants
  7. they have a fever
  8. they eat before bed
  9. they drink coffee before bed
  10. they are experiencing nightmares completely unrelated to their waking lives [me] and tend to be more creative, sensitive, trusting and emotional than others. [not so much]
 

Solutions to my problems May 6, 2009

Filed under: Lisa's Lists,hopes and dreams and stuff — theslowginfizz @ 3:47 pm
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  1. to get people to stop making small talk with me at work, start carrying around a large sword
  2. stop reading the news and only read teddy’s blog. Even the American Idol and twilight stuff.
  3. to end my lucid nightmares, stop sleeping altogether
  4. to stop my coworker from listening to lame music online and leaving the sound on when she leaves for long lunches, hide her speakers and buy her headphones
  5. and buy myself new really big headphones while I’m at it
  6. which will serve double duty in drowning out my friends sometimes who call all the time and only talk/care about themselves
  7. order a mail order husband
  8. disabling the office instant messenger
  9. not attending meetings and just reading the notes after
  10. duane reade nyquil
 

comments you can expect to hear from me while watching American Idol with teddy during his vacation April 11, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 6:05 pm
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  1. [bitter moments leading up to show] this is not why people come to new york city
  2. we could all be getting laid right now
  3. hey teddy, how’s the beer? awesome! it would taste better if you were getting a lapdance whilst drinking it, like normal gaymen who come to this city.
  4. [once show has started] are you sure that isn’t carson daley?
  5. why are we listening to this crap?
  6. wait, that’s the ‘good’ one?
  7. this sure as hell aint no ‘since you’ve been gone’
  8. she is totally not smiling with her eyes. oh, wrong show.
  9. instead of drinking out of coke cups, they should be advertising whatever meds paula is taking. i would buy stock.
  10. simon is the voice of reason. why are they boo’ing him? he’s being nice.
  11. i think everyone with a british accent just sounds meaner and smarter
  12. wait, randy isn’t a member of the jackson family? then why the hell is he here?
  13. does ‘other girl judge’ say anything of consequence ever?
  14. i never thought i’d say this, but talking animals would maybe make this better.
  15. that really isn’t carson daley?
 

Thoughts after my first ever viewing of ‘dancing with the stars’ with lori March 17, 2009

Filed under: Ethical Debates,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 10:01 am
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1. you know you’re in for a treat when one of the real housewives of nyc is in the audience and getting much camera time

2. A dance competition where young svelte pro football cheerleaders are competing against middle aged portly computer guys? i object!

3. the hostesses dress was asymmetrical like the wolf. One side strapless and one side long billowy sleeved!

4. one judge was a fly girl, the old judge claimed to have gyrated in his seat and the other is almost too gay too function. All that and yet, I found the judges boring overall.

5. if the female dancers want to be naked so badly, why don’t they just wear bathing suits to dance in?

6. those mic boxes are beyond hazardous. Steve-o can set his face on fire and be fine but a simple roll sends him to the hospital because of a microphone taped to his back?

7. i’m not sure if I have extra bones somewhere, or my hips are just lying, but normal people cannot move like these male dancers

8. denise richards is about 3 miles away from hagsville

9. Belinda Carlisle aint got the beat. (pun courtesy of lori)

10. the quickstep can be surprisingly slow and boring at times

11. isn’t there a law about how old you have to be to salsa with a virile man?

12. david alan grier I love you. But you made a better man on film than a dancer.

13. everyone should do dance numbers to the song ‘Stagger Lee’. screw it, why don’t I just watch the movie shag, which is what I really want to do anyways.

14. what I really want to see is a showdown between dancing stars and america’s next best dance crew. Aka, I want to see cheerleaders get served.

15. the song ‘superman’ still blows

 

Fun things to do with the media January 14, 2009

Filed under: Fun Things To Do With...,Lisa's Lists — theslowginfizz @ 7:40 pm
Tags: , ,
  1. whip the conservatives into a frenzy
  2. write exaggerated reviews of products to create a market for them
  3. make sweeping, yet obvious, generalizations about the habits of people
  4. play baseketball
  5. spend millions on rhetoric and nothing on infrastructure
  6. manipulate small children into eating sugary cereals that will eventually give them diabetes
  7. get people with real problems to care deeply about the jogging routines of celebrities
  8. use big print to conceal the exclusive use of monosyllabic words
  9. convince people that overmedicating is necesary, fun, and a public service
  10. play magic, the gathering