If I was a celebrity, these would be some of my demands:
1 – An all-British entourage
2 – No Dave Matthews songs can ever be played in my earshot
3 – Weekly appearances on Craig Ferguson’s show
4 – Snuggies in every hotel room
5 – Brown M&M’s and naked pictures of Bea Arthur in every room (not really, those are just movie references)
6 – Every hour is happy hour
7 – No mushrooms, ricotta cheese, tomatoes, or maple syrup on any table where I am eating a meal
8 – The Knicks have to start winning games
9 – Everyone around me must have perfect grammar and spelling
10 – Brunch is the only meal
11 – The FDA makes potato chips a food group
12 – More, or all, shoes are designed for women with my feet
13 – DATE TV becomes a reality
14 – No animals
15 – I never have to go anywhere suburban
What’s on your list?
