- the subject of my affection & effection
- dude, where’s my conjunction?
- a failure to conjugate is a conjugation of failure
- I don’t know, CAN you?
- whom are you?
- there’s no I in Adverbs
- one nation under an umlaut
- overcoming interjections in the face of unbeatable objects
- you can’t take the effect and make it the clause
- comma comma comma comma comma chameleon
- the unbearable antecedent of agreement
- the fragments of my mind
- passive’fy my heart
- you can handle the proof…reading
- apostrophes NOW
Rejected taglines for national grammar day March 4, 2010
reasons why i hate ted from ‘how i met your mother’ November 21, 2009
- he corrects people’s grammar in this tone of complete condescension
- he is an unreliable narrator (which we kinda learn in the St. Patrick’s Day party episode)
- he went to Wesleyan
- i think the girl he is going to marry will be a skank
- he has an evil smile
- he had a threesome with Winnie Cooper
- Victoria was lovely and he was not only a crap boyfriend, but also cheated on her
- he went on a blind date with the same girl twice and rejected her only because she dressed up her cats
- he’s from ohio
- i can’t sleep
The Same, But Different March 1, 2009
sometimes people find it hard to tell lisa and rachel apart. here is a handy guide for such people:
1 – rachel is a stickler for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and word choice. lisa is not.
2 – rachel enjoys being girly, i.e. makeup, heels, dresses. lisa does not.
3 – rachel likes her balls salty, lisa prefers them sweet.
4 – lisa loves beer like some people love their children. beer is poison to rachel.
5 – lisa loves and cares about animals. rachel would prefer the world was rid of them.
6 – rachel enjoys the marketing and media industries. lisa would prefer the world was rid of them.
7 – rachel sings at karaoke. lisa watches karaoke.
8 – lisa kicks rachel’s ass at checkers. rachel kicks lisa’s ass at connect four.
9 – lisa prefers to text. rachel prefers to call.
10 – rachel likes stand-up comedy. lisa likes to sit down and not laugh.
11 – rachel is on many social networking websites. lisa will never be on any ever again.
12 – lisa’s damaged body parts include her stomach and her back. rachel’s eyes and teeth are f’ed up. both of their livers are beyond repair.
13 – rachel’s memory is scarily precise. lisa often inserts the wrong people into memories.
14 – rachel appreciates a good pun/buzzword. lisa almost kills rachel every time she uses one.
15 – rachel is quite bitchy, yet advocates being part of society. lisa has more manners, yet would prefer not to be part of society.
Reasons why you should accept my bad grammar February 13, 2009
1. we only get to use like 10% of our brains and I thought remembering your birthday was more important than solving the who vs. whom debacle
2. the time I could spend on editing, I spend on being creative instead. ie: I blog more than rachel
3. I make you feel superior and you love that
4. if I had great grammar and spelling, I would be perfect, and you would feel threatened
5. a lot of really awetastic musical artists utilize poor grammar in the name of artistic license. yeah, I’m talking to you bruce springsteen.
6. I’ve been tracking it, and the worse my grammar is, the more bangin gay cousin ted’s hair is
7. the universe can only function through balance, so my grammar being bad makes yours better
8. precise grammar makes things less funny
9. I am forced to be less judgmental of you and your foibles
10. it is rude to correct people and 60% of the time, good manners are more important than grammar all the time
Guest Blogging by Lori December 15, 2008
Reasons why I felt it important to guest blog:
1. I’m really good at a variety of things and wanted to show off my skills.
2. I come off as retarded when I write, so there’s a chance Rachel will like me more.
3. Lisa shouldn’t be the only one with bad grammars on this site.
4. I used to be able to put my foot behind my head and always wanted to tell people that in a non-sexual way.
5. I bring an appreciation of dave matthews that is not understood by the real authors of this blog.
6. I like knowing people and giving them the opportunity to take a chance on me (like the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid).
7. Actually, it is because I like to be the center of attention.
8. It made me sad to know that “your mom” was not already a tag on this site and I had to create it.
9. If my musical soulmate, Gay Cousin Teddy can have an entire blog, the least I could do is write one entry.
10. Because Lisa & Rachel said I could.
possible reasons why my grammar is so atrocious December 3, 2008
- i don’t care
- keeping it real occasionally goes very wrong
- i went to a state college
- i spent most of those 4 years at state college making french toast
- me and rachel are hand twins and her hands got the brains and mine got the beer
- i was born a few weeks late
- my mom was at woodstock
- i champion mediocrity
- my spelling is also pretty bad and i enjoy consistency
- i majored in english but since i hang out in brooklyn a lot, i am forced to be ironic
