The Slow Gin Fizz

greetings from chicago, day 2. i personally believe that it is better here.

misc

1. i am never flying alone ever again
2. while distraught and alone on a plane, one should not watch ‘say yes to the dress’ on direct tv
3. terminal 5 is institutional and scary and the bar is lame
4. o’hare has less people peeing on the toilette seat and nicer less institutional sinks
5. gay cousin ted’s roommate is awesome and patient and made me not hate all matts

the drive to U of M

1. so this is what 4:30am on a saturday looks like. feels weird to not be standing in line for shakespeare in the park tickets.
2. oh my god, the mcdonald’s hash browns taste better here
3. this was the gayest/longest car ride of my life
4. the car rides are better in chicago
5. OMG GARY INDIANA! smells like jersey.
6. OMG KALAMAZOO! shrug.
7. the quick stops are totally better here. they sell kegs of indigenous beer.
8. i love mini muffins and combos
9. even in chicago/michigan/indiana, people make fun of my snack choices
10. uncle mark is really weird on the phone

tailgating at U of M

1. oh my fucking god
2. so, we walked ten miles to the game from the car. people were tailgating all along the way
3. dude, people set up tents. with personalized banners.
4. and have flower pots with flowers. real flowers.
5. and candelabras
6. i personally believe that Abita purple haze tastes better here because it is closer to new orleans
7. the food offerings at this tailgate are equivalent to the best barbeque i have ever been to
8. people have their cars painted. professionally. to support the team.
9. i really wish i could have enjoyed gay cousin ted’s giant bag of polish sausage
10. i was a new york jew who doesn’t eat meat and had never been to a football game. it is a miracle no one peed on me.

my first football game (university of michigan vs. western michigan)

1. they don’t sell beer [small or large] at college football games. you understand why within five minutes of being there. but the stadium pizza tastes better.
2. stadium attendance was 109,422
3. i would say 7/9ths of those people were wearing team spirit clothing
4. i have never been at a sporting event and not seen a single yankees or mets piece of clothing
5. football is mathy. but i like it.
6. i definately don’t understand it. but you can’t argue with bamf fun
7. aunt amy kept telling michigan to move their chains. i think they did, but i’m not entirely sure how.
8. the wave works a lot better when the team is actually winning and there are more than 100 people watching the game
9. cowbell man isn’t as fun. he’s just a dude with a cowbell.
10. EVERYONE knows the fight song

church

1. churches are nicer in chicago
2. you have to talk to strangers though
3. and shake their hands. unfortunately i do not enjoy touching people anymore.
4. even in chicago, when i say where i work, people want to talk to about the time they called to report a car accident
5. i like when the stained glass windows have smiling jesus and not crucified jesus
6. gay cousin ted’s church is really gay. literally.
7. i like when people talk about farming but i’m much more interested in jewish carpenters
8. rachel would’ve liked this, the pastor wanted us to light her candle
9. the holy water is totally more holy in chicago
10. what i learned at church: the bouncy house is for adults too

brunch

1. the only reason i am wasting my vacation blogging is because i’m too full to move
2. ted thought it would be fun to bring me to a place without a liquor license
3. in new york a 20 minute wait means 37 minutes. in chicago, it means 10 minutes.
4. i personally believe that the oranges are unequivocally better in chicago. visa vie, so was the fresh squeezed orange juice
5. there is no finer egg sandwich than that which is served on toasted sourdough bread with gorgonzola cheese and vegetarian sausage
6. you might say that jesus and sausage collided in my mouth and broke the yoke of my eggs
7. some extremely lucky couples have relationship biscuits. me and teddy have relationship cinnamon bread with jam
8. my reaction to eating the cinnamon bread with jam actually frightened ted.
9. apparently i was being too much of a lesbian with my jam
10. considering we had just gone to a reconciling ministry, i would have expected him to be more open and affirming to my lovemaking with the jam